Tuesday, February 18th, 2014 • Filed under Other Weapons
There is a whole list of foods that are simultaneously gross yet delicious. Smores. Cold Chinese take-out. Calamari. Foie gras (apparently an illegal food some places?). Escargo. I’ll take 10 of each please!
Sunday, February 16th, 2014 • Filed under Other
Who says romance is dead? Love is in the air, as exemplified by the couples sucking face in the hallway as you’re trying to get to class. As exemplified by the ridiculous pun Valentines made on MS Paint. As exemplified by heart-shaped pizzas and penis-shaped pancakes.
People always say there’s no such thing as bad pizza, but Dominos takes that as a challenge. Nothing says “Italy” like cardboard-flavored crust topped with solidified yellow grease. Mmm…wanna go vegan yet?
Sunday, January 19th, 2014 • Filed under Assaults, Other Weapons
Cheating is a grave matter. Cheating on a test could land you in detention (or, if done correctly, a good college). Cheating in a relationship…well. That would require two entire people finding me attractive, and that’s not even plausible enough to discuss.
Sunday, January 5th, 2014 • Filed under Theft
Mmm…honey. Good in green tea, good with peanut butter. Who knew insect vomit could be so versatile and tasty? So versatile, in fact, it can be used as a term of endearment? “Bee puke, I’m home!” Nope.
Saturday, January 4th, 2014 • Filed under Assaults, Other Weapons
Squirrels are a nuisance, hands down. Walking around with their chubby faces full of food, scurrying up trees, prancing across the street with their babies…absolutely filthy, disgusting creatures. Aliens, honestly. So why would people have little ceramic statues of them?
Tuesday, December 24th, 2013 • Filed under Arson
You know one good thing about this freezing winter weather? EVERYTHING IS DEAD. No bugs, no falling leaves, no small children. ‘Tis the season to stay the hell inside.