Sunday, December 1st, 2013 • Filed under Technology, Theft
How about that holiday weight gain? It’s almost by design that we have Candy Day, Turkey Day, and Gingerbread Day all in a short time span…maybe so that gyms will be full coming January 1st? Who knows, but these guys sure know how to put on a few pounds.
Clothing is always crazy, but lately with Black Friday looming near, merchandise shelves are getting more and more outrageous. Pink fur jackets (which animal has pink fur, and if so, why would you kill such a rarity just to keep your rich white butt warm?) paired with pants too patterned to seem real (thanks, let me just walk around sporting wallpaper) seem to fill everyone’s shopping bags.
Monday, November 25th, 2013 • Filed under Other, Technology
Remember when Facebook was the rad thing? Now it’s populated only by your relatives. And Instagram? Populated by your younger siblings. Pinterest? Caters to yoga pants-wearing bottle blondes. Reddit? Wtf is that. But there are still those few weirdos who occasionally comment and make statuses on Facebook. And those weirdos may include legitimate criminals.
Sunday, November 10th, 2013 • Filed under Theft
Didn’t you ever wonder how the chickens felt about Chik Fil A? Here are their barnyard friends, the cows, basically selling their poor asses into mass human consumption. Little different from the cute picture books you read as a kid, right?
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Sunday, November 3rd, 2013 • Filed under Theft
What’s the most desperate hunger you’ve ever faced? Desperate enough to try a partitioned shrink-wrapped tray of the complimentary airline food? Enough to delve into the concession stand’s contents at a high school football game? Or, worst of all, enough for those vaguely suggestive gas station meat sticks? *shudder*
Tuesday, October 22nd, 2013 • Filed under Corrupt Cops, Guns
Every neighborhood has pesky animals. In suburban Georgia, I only have to deal with rabbits and the occasional squirrel. In South America, there are spiders the size of rabbits and squirrels. In India, cobras and peacocks are just chilling alongside people. So why would a plain old squirrel be such a big deal?
Sunday, October 6th, 2013 • Filed under Other, Other Weapons
How important is it to stay fit and trim once in a relationship? I believe that there is a direct correlation between how serious the relationship is and how fat you’re allowed to get. Think of it as a typical X and Y chart with a constant positive slope. First date = order the salad. Wedding day = eat the entire cake. See? Even math can be made better with food.
Sunday, October 6th, 2013 • Filed under Cars, Technology, Theft
Don’t lie, you’ve taken a picture of yourself at least once. Whether it’s of you and your pet, you and a cup of coffee, or you and your significant other—it’s totally happened. My guess is that not much more time will pass until “selfie” is added to the dictionary. In which case, someone will probably take a selfie with it.