Thrilling
Sunday, May 13th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults, Guns • Comment
“I couldn’t dance if my life depended on it.” Yes, I do believe dance is a dying art. Just look at the New Jersey fist pump. I dare you all to go to da clubb and start breaking out some grand jetés and pas de cheval.
London Bridge
Sunday, May 13th, 2012 • Filed under Forgery, Theft • Comment
So this sounds like something straight out of Despicable Me. Which is great, because who doesn’t wanna read about those adorable eyeballed Twinkie-like creatures? LOSERS, that’s who.
“Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too”
Friday, May 11th, 2012 • Filed under Other • 1 Comment
Guess what, all you pubescent adolescents? Contrary to what they tell you in health class, it seems as though your raging hormones are here to stay. All the way up to nursing home age, so it seems.
Bucket List
Friday, May 11th, 2012 • Filed under Other • Comment
What’s on your bucket list? Slurping down live squid? Hitching a ride on the back of a stranger’s Harley? Participating in a good old-fashioned swordfight? OR all three simultaneously?
Girl Power: You’re Doing It Wrong
Sunday, April 29th, 2012 • Filed under Arson, Assaults • Comment
Sadly, marriage isn’t forever anymore. Divorce isn’t forever either (Though I’m not suggesting Kim Kardashian was really that guy’s soulmate. Or anyone’s.). So what’s the solution?
Hot Cops
Sunday, April 29th, 2012 • Filed under Corrupt Cops, Scams • 2 Comments
Sometimes I wonder how people get the jobs they got. Like, who writes their 9th grade essay about a fulfilling future of organizing produce at Wal-Mart? Or showing people around a mattress store, trying to convince customers that every uniform rectangle of the same cotton is distinctly different? Hey, I guess someone has to do it…
They Said I Could Be Anything…
Sunday, April 22nd, 2012 • Filed under Assaults, Other Weapons • 3 Comments
Interesting how many parents name their kids after what they want them to be. That’s probably where you get poor suckers like Abraham Lincoln Jones, or Einstein Matthews. But, I mean, if that’s acceptable, why not take it further? I’ll give birth to Secret Agent and Rock Star.
Spitting Or Non-Spitting?
Sunday, April 22nd, 2012 • Filed under Caught on tape • Comment
Fast food seemed like a great idea at the time, but it’s gotten just downright scary. French fries are probably filled with more meat than the actual “burger” is, and Taco Bell fills its crispy shells using a legitimate meat tube. Like, my (imaginary) dog receives better nutrition.