Dumb Criminals

How not to steal saw blades

Friday, December 27th, 2002 • Filed under Uncategorized

Stupid is as stupid does:

DECATUR, Ala. — Police have arrested a Huntsville man who they say tried to steal hundreds of dollars worth of saw blades from a hardware store by stuffing them down his pants.

If I were hard up for saw blades, the last place I’d try to conceal them would be inside my pants.

Perhaps I’m being just a bit too cautious, but I try not to stick anything too sharp down there.

Teenagers leave video of joyride in car they’ve stolen

Friday, December 20th, 2002 • Filed under Uncategorized

Rule number one: Never video tape yourself committing a crime

Rule number two: Never leave your suvenir crime spree video at the scene of the crime.

Two Chicago area teens allegedly stole a car, videotaped their joy ride, and then left the video tape in the abandoned car.

Man avenging dog’s death dies in fire he set

Thursday, December 12th, 2002 • Filed under Uncategorized

We have a late entry for this year’s Darwin Award. Twenty-eight year old Frankie Crawford became enraged when his dog ran into the street and was struck by a 16 year old driver of a pickup truck.

Crawford then began arguing with the 16-year-old driver and her parents, who were passengers.

The father called 911. A dispatcher told the family to leave the scene because Crawford was apparently out of control.

The teen drove about two blocks before Crawford somehow jumped into the truck bed, found a can of paint thinner and began dousing the truck, said Sgt. Marco Borboa, a police spokesman.

You can guess what happened next. Crawford suffered second degree burns over 70% of his body and was pronounced dead at the hospital. The girl’s father tried putting out the flames (probably with a baseball bat) at the scene.

Father accused of walking into strip club with pipe bomb

Tuesday, December 10th, 2002 • Filed under Uncategorized

Is that a pipebomb in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

This distraught father was apparently upset at the shame and humiliation of having his daughter work at a strip club.

Now that she is upset at the shame and humiliation of having her father go postal, she knows how he feels.

From the Department of ”What was he thinking?”

Friday, December 6th, 2002 • Filed under Uncategorized

A man who worked at KFC in Philly decided to try to rob the very store he worked for. He was not only stupid enough to rob his own store, but he didn’t even have the common courtesy to wear a mask or disguise when he unsuccessfully tried to force his manager to open the time locked safe.

The dimwit was apprehended when he showed up for work again three days later.

Potheads nabbed after dialing 9111

Thursday, December 5th, 2002 • Filed under Uncategorized

If you and your family are in to growing a bunch of marijuana in your house, it probably isn’t the smartest move to trick your mom into dialing 911. Apparently a Canadian woman’s son tricked her into dialing 911 by telling her that dialing 9111 would indicate whether or not her phone line was being tapped.

Naturally, the woman received the 911 emergency call center, so she promptly hung up. Surrey Police were dispatched anyway, and discovered a house full of marijuana. Although four arrests were made, Canadian police were nice enought to release the hapless pot growers early enough to host a birthday party they had been planning.

Ice cream man caught selling cocaine cones

Monday, November 18th, 2002 • Filed under Uncategorized

Perhaps inspired by the KFC ‘extra biscuits’ dope pusher, this guy is selling ice cream cones made of cocaine. He was apparently caught when an off-duty cop wanted an ice cream cone with ‘sprinkles’. You would think that he’d have come up with a more obscure code word, like ketchup.

Police: Man stops for quick beer after bank heist

Friday, November 15th, 2002 • Filed under Uncategorized

Campaigning for this year’s dumbest criminal award, Joaquim Grace allegedly pulled a bank job just two blocks from his local watering hole. Not only that, but he stopped by the place ‘where everybody knows his name’ right after finishing the job. I guess grabbing a beer would help cool down the adrenalin rush of having just pulled a bank job.

BTW, this is why your’s truly would never be a good bank robber.

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