Dumb Criminals

Crank Caller Gets Cranked

Saturday, December 30th, 2006 • Filed under Other

images18.jpgWhat happens when a guy prank calls the Knoville Fire Department 15 times in a row from his cell phone? The firefighters hold a little episode of “Crank Yankers” of their own.

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Land of the Lost

Friday, December 29th, 2006 • Filed under Cars, Theft

captmh11112282022lost_carjacker_mh111.jpgPop quiz, rookie. You’ve stolen a car, crashed it twice and gotten completely lost. What do you do? A. Stop and ask a cop for directions. B. Call AAA and ask for a tow truck, and give them YOUR personal identification. C. Dial 911 and turn yourself in.

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Steal a Car, Go to the Unemployment Office

Wednesday, December 27th, 2006 • Filed under Cars, Theft

images17.jpg ONE OF LIFE’S LITTLE LESSONS #201: If you steal a car and use to drive you to take your civil service exam at the police station, you probably won’t get the job…unless it’s for the IRS.

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Who Ya Gonna Call?

Thursday, December 21st, 2006 • Filed under Drugs

images16.jpgWhen will drug users learn that if you call police and tell them someone stole your stash, they will not retrieve it for you? I’ve seen this story enough times that I’m actually not amused by it anymore and I can watch a chihuaua hump a beach ball for a solid hour without blinking in a sandstorm, which is pretty damn easily amused.

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A Vicious Cycle

Thursday, December 21st, 2006 • Filed under Cars, Theft

images15.jpgThe following story is true (maybe). The names have been changed to protect the innocent (they shall be referred to as Fargen McDinglepuss and Sam Slopenheppentonguemeister). All suspects are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law (unless you’re O.J.).

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The Story of Bus

Tuesday, December 19th, 2006 • Filed under Cars, Theft

images14.jpgDUMB: Stealing a car. DUMBER: Stealing a city bus. DUMBERER: Stealing a city bus, driving the bus on its route and picking up passengers.

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Can’t Slow Down: A Special Report

Friday, December 15th, 2006 • Filed under Cars, Drugs

nicole-richie-pac-man-game-e31.jpgThis just in from our Dumb Criminals News Headquarters, the only news organization that promises to deliver the news in three days or more…guaranteed. Former reality TV star and useless celebrity Nicole Richie is officially a dumb criminal. Before she was just dumb, but now she’s been arrested making her a dumb “criminal.” Close enough.

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What’s Not In Your Wallet?

Wednesday, December 13th, 2006 • Filed under Robberies

images12.jpgYou know, we here at Dumbcriminals.com do a lot of ribbing and poking and giggling, not just for her pleasure, but for you the faithful reader. And we do it by taking the tales of the not-so-brightest criminal minds and turning them into our twisted finger puppets of tragedy. But sometimes, mostly through no fault of their own, criminals make mistakes – mistakes that any person might make because they’re human, unless their robots. This sounds like one of them. So let’s exploit it, shall we?

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