On behalf of everyone here at Dumbcriminals.com, we hope you and those closest to you had a Happy Thanksgiving. And in honor of this momentous day, what Thanksgiving would be complete without a really big turkey! Here ya go…

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Dumb: Breaking into a house. Dumber: Breaking into a house and stealing a TV. Dumberer: Breaking into a house, stealing a TV and going back in for the remote.

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ONE OF LIFE’S LITTLE LESSONS #450 - Members of the NRA love their guns. No, you don’t understand. They looooooove their guns. While other people look for opportunities to network, achieve life’s goals or find their one true love, NRA members look for opportunities to use their guns. The only reason they don’t marry their guns is because it’s subconscious phallic nature could be construed as a form of same-sex marriage.

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Why do people have to be so cheap? Why can’t they just spend what they need to spend to get on with their lives? All that loose change you’ve saved doesn’t even equal the amount of time you’ve wasted trying to save it. You always see people trying to find parking meters with time already on it, searching the floors of laundromats for loose quarters and telling 911 operators, “No I don’t need to go to the hospital. I’ll just sew my leg on tomorrow when the bleeding stops.”

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Being caught committing a crime can be very embarassing. But there are only three times of crimes that if you are caught doing that can only truly be called super embarassing, mind numblingly, soul shattering crimes: (1) paying a mannequinn for sex, (2) robbing a Salvation Army, (3) urinating in public in front of a restaurant and then turning midstream towards a cop.
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ONE OF LIFE’S LITTLE LESSONS #146 - Always dress for success. But first, learn the complex and sometimes confusing concept of pants.
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Halloween is long gone and since no one tried to rob a 7-11 with a plastic sicile under his spaceman uniform, made off with the store’s entire supply of pumpkin shaped Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and left a trail of wrappers to his hideout, we present the story of an ex-dumb criminal and his Halloween hijinks.
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Here’s the situation: You’re too drunk to drive yourself and your son home. What do you do?
a. Attach feathers to each other and learn how to fly
b. Call a cab and make the little guy pay for it to teach him a hard, simultaneous lesson about life, money and how he won’t have much of neither
c. Vomit
d. Let the little guy drive
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