Dumb Criminals

Out of Gas, Brains

Monday, December 3rd, 2007 • Filed under Cars, Theft

Gas prices has become an issue that’s really stuck in my craw. Any issue where it directly affects my pocketbook, checking account or ability to sell a kidney will always tick me off.

Read more »

Napped in the Closet II

Tuesday, November 27th, 2007 • Filed under Uncategorized

In the words of our illustrious president (who by the way commenters we have the utmost respect for, even if he has the oratory skills of Yogi Berra being beaten repeatedly in the face), “Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.”

Read more »

You’re All Wet Cement

Tuesday, November 27th, 2007 • Filed under Cars, Theft

For some reason, when I read this story, appropriate cartoon-like sound effects played along in my head with the narrative. I dare you to read it and try to push the harmonic joy of the slide whistle and the cowbell out of your head.

Read more »

Guns Don’t Kill People, Staplers Do

Monday, November 19th, 2007 • Filed under Robberies

In what context is a stapler considered a weapon?
A. When the guy you’re fighting pulls out a three hole punch
B. When a militant Islamist terrorist group takes an Office Max hostage
C. When you’re fighting an angry mob of 200-feet tall piece of looseleaf paper

Read more »

Daddy Drunkest

Friday, November 16th, 2007 • Filed under Cars, Drunks

There’s something to be said for a father who takes time out of his busy day to spend it with his son. In this case, the things that can be said are “reckless,” “dangerous,” “stupid” and, of course, “dumb.”

Read more »

A Bear Stole a Car!

Thursday, November 15th, 2007 • Filed under Cars, Theft

Usually we open these updates with some kind of witty opener that vaguely alludes to the story we’re linking to, which makes it hard for anyone to really understand the joke unless they read the story, thereby forcing them to click the link below and increase our revenue traffic. This time, however, we’d just like to report that a bear stole a car.

Read more »

May Cause Streaking

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007 • Filed under Uncategorized

ONE OF LIFE’S LITTLE LESSONS #4: The worst mistake you can make is to repeat yourself. The worst mistake you can make is to repeat yourself. The worst mistake you can make…

Read more »

Dude, Where’s My Marijuana?

Wednesday, November 7th, 2007 • Filed under Drugs

This is a story that’s has old and classic as time itself: boy loses weed, boy calls police to report his stolen weed, police meet boy, police find some of weed at his house, police and boy fall in love.

Read more »

« Back · More Dumb Criminal Stories »

Criminals by Email

I'll email you every time we post a new dumb criminal.

Sign up!
You'll like it, I promise!

Don't worry &mdash I won't email you about anything else.

Best of the Network

Real Haunted Houses
Who says ghosts aren't real? We have catalogued hundreds of haunted houses.

Dumb Warnings
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." You won't believe these warnings!