Dumb Criminals

Window Pains

Friday, November 6th, 2009 • Filed under Guns

Normally, there is nothing funny about a deadly drive-by shooting, even if the plot is botched. Notice that I said normally.

An attempted drive-by shooting was stopped when the shooter forgot to roll down his window, according to CityPages.

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Daddy Du’h Care

Thursday, November 5th, 2009 • Filed under Drugs

People who have to take care of one child must be a bundle of nerves. People who have to take care of more than four must be total basket cases. People who have to look after 30 are either clinically insane or in definitive need of castration.

That still doesn’t excuse these two day care center workers who ran a meth lab in their business, according to Local15TV.com.

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The Balloon Drops

Wednesday, November 4th, 2009 • Filed under Fraud

Sure the rest of the world already knows about this, but this fell under our radar here at DCHQ because other more pressing news. And considering that we usually deal with drunks committing felonies, you can probably imagine how far down the radar this story falls.

The Associated Press reports that the parents of the infamous “Balloon Boy” will face some kind of criminal charges.

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You Can Judge a Man By the Content of His Finger

Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009 • Filed under Assaults, Other

I honestly believe that the universe allows every human being the opportunity to give one person the finger consequence free. Needless to say, this isn’t one of them.

A guy facing assault charges gave his judge the finger (yes that finger), according to the Daily Herald.

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And Now…Tampons!

Monday, November 2nd, 2009 • Filed under At-Large, Burglaries, Theft

I can’t fathom a reason why someone out there would want to steal a two ton shipment of feminine hygiene products and maybe I just really don’t want to because I like sleeping without waking up screaming.

A woman or (even weirder) possibly a man stole more than a half a million worth of different feminine products from sanitary napkins to tampons, according to The Cabin.

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They’re Not So Sharpie

Friday, October 30th, 2009 • Filed under Burglaries

When we were kids, sniffing markers was the closest thing we had to a shot of Jack. Sounds like these two got a whole snout-full.

Two burglars tried to paint their faces with Sharpie markers instead of wearing masks, according to The Smoking Gun.

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Totally Trucked

Thursday, October 29th, 2009 • Filed under Cars, Drunks

The key to avoiding trouble is identifying problems. If the first thought you have after getting wasted is “How am I going to get home?”, congrats. You’ve identified a problem.

A man driving drunk plowed his car into a fire truck, according to WBBM.com.

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One Dropped Call

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009 • Filed under Robberies

How many times do we have to report this before it sinks in? And don’t answer that, by the way. That’s a rhetorical question.

A robbery suspect got fingered after leaving his cell phone at the scene, according to WPBF.com.

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