Dumb Criminals

I Call Patches to the Stand!

Monday, December 26th, 2011 • Filed under Other

I have a lot of sympathy for dogs. Not just the homeless ones you see in those super sad commercials, but the ones sitting at the kitchen table wearing sweaters. The ones who would probably love to be homeless for a day or two, just so they could act like…well, I don’t know, dogs.

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Scary Dairy

Monday, December 26th, 2011 • Filed under Assaults, Other Weapons

The economy is pretty whacked out these days. Everyone is trying to sue everyone, or rip off everyone, or sue everyone for ripping off everyone. Or, in some cases, assaulting people because their ice cream is priced too high…?

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They Said I Could Be Anything, So I Became Laundry

Tuesday, December 20th, 2011 • Filed under Other Weapons

Kids can be a lot of work. In fact, they’ve been called the “best form of birth control”. That being said, it’s still a parent’s duty to raise them into well-functioning members of the American society. Wait, that’s an oxymoron.

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Feed Me, Seymour

Tuesday, December 20th, 2011 • Filed under Assaults

Sometimes people get WAY too hungry. Even though it’s Christmas season, that’s probably not a good excuse to be eating bags full of cookies for every meal. Or biting the thumb of a policeman…?

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Pounding Your Meat?

Sunday, December 11th, 2011 • Filed under Shop Lifting

So, it’s been made understood that men only want one thing. A nice, red, juicy….steak. And some will stop at nothing to get one.

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Kids vs. Creeps

Sunday, December 11th, 2011 • Filed under Other

A lot of people are just downright creepy. But it’s a good thing we have small children to protect us from them…right?

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Just Slept Through My Alarm…

Monday, December 5th, 2011 • Filed under Robberies

Sleeping on the job is probably never a good idea. Unless, of course, you’re a mattress tester. Does that career even exist? “Rise and shine, ma’am. Your shift’s over, you can go home now.” “Aww…” Uh, sign me up.

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Family is Family

Monday, December 5th, 2011 • Filed under Banks, Robberies

Ahh, sibling rivalry. It’s been in place since the two of you fought over who got to eat the last bowl of Cocoa Puffs, and still pops back up at family reunions over whose kid won the board game.

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