Dumb Criminals

Not A Creature Was Stealing

Monday, December 24th, 2012 • Filed under Other

There is a huge spike in donation around Christmastime, but shouldn’t we be generous all year? Of course, but maybe it’s a good thing we’re not.

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Ruff Time?

Sunday, December 9th, 2012 • Filed under Other

It’s hard to decide whether or not to get a dog, right? It’s basically another kid, except one that chews up furniture and utilizes the neighbor’s yard as a toilet. Unless, of course, that was you as a child…

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They Shouted Never

Sunday, December 2nd, 2012 • Filed under Assaults, Other Weapons, Robberies

What’s the happiest instrument you can think of? Definitely not a Theremin. Maybe a sitar, or a didgeridoo? How about a glockenspiel? No, my guess would be a ukulele. However, this story may change your mind…

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Late For Work Or What?

Saturday, December 1st, 2012 • Filed under Drunks

There is a right way to do things, and a wrong way. Bacon and pancakes = great! Bacon in pancakes = what is the matter with you. Brushing your teeth = healthy. Orange juice = healthy and delicious. Brushing your teeth after drinking orange juice = go back to your home planet.

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Not Funny.

Monday, November 19th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults, Other Weapons

Did you know that clowns are one of the top ten most common phobias? Not surprising, and I’ll just stop this line of thought before giving any of you (or myself) nightmares for a week.

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No Pineapple, At Least

Monday, November 19th, 2012 • Filed under Cars

Frozen, greasy, cold, steaming, homemade, meaty, or vegetable-y…everybody loves pizza. There’s not much I wouldn’t do for a slice of pizza at any given time. Better yet if it was calorie-free. Or even just free.

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Just ‘Cause You Didn’t Get Your Letter…

Monday, November 5th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults, Kidnappings

Sometimes kids just take it to the next level, you know? All you were trying to do was recapture your “friend” who had left the scout troop to live in the woods with his crazy, scissor-wielding girlfriend. And then your dog ends up hurt, so unfair.

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Ghost Of The Town

Monday, November 5th, 2012 • Filed under Robberies

Boo! Happy late Halloween. In honor of the already-passed holiday, allow me to introduce a criminal well past his prime.

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