Dumb Criminals

Medium Rare, Please

Sunday, October 21st, 2012 • Filed under Assaults, Break-Ins, Other Weapons

Giving Christmas presents becomes increasingly difficult as everyone grows up. Few people have the need for a third toaster, and nobody wants one of those hideous sweaters with the dancing cats. So what simple object can prove useful?


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Hot Off The Grill

Sunday, October 21st, 2012 • Filed under Assaults, Other Weapons

To continue with the meat theme, how many of you are vegetarian? Or worse, vegan? I’m  not sure I trust people who would choose spinach over bacon, or not eating cake over eating cake. What kind of insanity is next?


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Inventory Check

Sunday, October 7th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults, Other Weapons

Ever heard the “fun” fact that everything around you can be used as a weapon? Well, it’s not a challenge.


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A Latte Of Trouble

Sunday, October 7th, 2012 • Filed under Other Weapons, Robberies

Nothing is quite as necessary to America’s productivity as coffee is. Imagine if we all functioned off of something different. Say, applesauce. Every meeting had an applesauce break, and applesauce machines were a kitchen staple. Reports were turned in dotted with applesauce stains, and everybody had applesauce travel mugs.


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Small Potatoes

Sunday, October 7th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults

Everybody has weird little quirks. A conversation with a group of friends once went like this: “If you could incorporate any food into your sex life, which would it be?” “Chocolate.” “Yeah, probably chocolate.” “Chocolate sounds good.” “OMG MASHED POTATOES!” Someone’s a lucky guy…


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Denim Demon

Sunday, October 7th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults, Other Weapons

Let’s all take a moment to appreciate who does our laundry. Whether it’s your mother (sigh), your wife (okay…), or yourself (congratulations!). Maybe we even need a documentary on laundry-doers through the years…first in a river, then in a Laundromat.  *shudder*


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Haters Gonna Hate

Sunday, September 16th, 2012 • Filed under Other

Remember how you always thought your parents were lame for listening to old music? Well, imagine driving your kids to school with Lady Gaga blasting out the speakers. Imagine driving your kids to school. Imagine driving. Yeah, maybe we’re thinking too far ahead here.


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Text: Not Even Once

Sunday, September 16th, 2012 • Filed under Drugs, Technology

Have you heard the new iPhone is out? The fifth one, to be exact. From which we still can’t download a girlfriend or even food.


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