Dumb Criminals

Lettuce Pray

Sunday, October 6th, 2013 • Filed under Other, Other Weapons

How important is it to stay fit and trim once in a relationship? I believe that there is a direct correlation between how serious the relationship is and how fat you’re allowed to get. Think of it as a typical X and Y chart with a constant positive slope. First date = order the salad. Wedding day = eat the entire cake. See? Even math can be made better with food.

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Know Thy Selfie

Sunday, October 6th, 2013 • Filed under Cars, Technology, Theft

Don’t lie, you’ve taken a picture of yourself at least once. Whether it’s of you and your pet, you and a cup of coffee, or you and your significant other—it’s totally happened. My guess is that not much more time will pass until “selfie” is added to the dictionary. In which case, someone will probably take a selfie with it.

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My Little Pony

Sunday, September 15th, 2013 • Filed under Drunks

Everybody wants to ride a pony. Ride it to work, to school, along the beach, to and from the refrigerator.  They make you feel like royalty or a cowgirl, and you can’t go wrong either way. Well, maybe there is one mistake you could make…

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Potted Plants

Saturday, September 7th, 2013 • Filed under Drugs

Have you ever accidentally gotten high? Like, you thought it was a normal brownie, or normal mushrooms. But nope, turns out you’re absolutely tripping. Good luck explaining that one to the police.

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Watt The Hell

Sunday, September 1st, 2013 • Filed under Assaults, Other Weapons

How impatient do you get when waiting for your food to microwave? Worse yet is when you finally think it’s done…but the plate is a burning fire disc from the sun’s core, and your food could have been found in the fur of a frozen wooly mammoth from the arctic. How mad would you get?

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Demon Hunting 101

Sunday, August 11th, 2013 • Filed under Arson

We’ve all seen those movies about crazy people who believe demons live in their house, right? Terrifying stuff, but the demons are probably more scared of you than you are of them. Just…grab a big shoe. And kill all the flies so they have nothing to eat. Oh. Maybe I’m thinking of something else, something scarier.

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The Toast of the Town

Sunday, August 11th, 2013 • Filed under Cars, Other Weapons

How mad have you gotten at your neighbor? Angry enough to lose your breakfast over it? And I’m not talking about the gross reverse digestion way, but actually get rid of your perfectly good breakfast. This guy knows what I’m talking about.

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Not So Chill

Monday, July 29th, 2013 • Filed under Cars, Drunks

What’s the hottest you’ve ever been? Temperature-wise of course, because if it was in physical terms, we all know we were the hottest at our 5th grade, bowl-cut, chubs stage. But really, to what extent would you go to cool off?

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