Dumb Criminals

First Rule of Daycare

Tuesday, April 7th, 2015 • Filed under Assaults

I have a feeling I’ve posted about Fight Club before. There’s just something mesmerizing about men engaging in physical violence in a green filtered lens, all for the purpose of conveying a Very Deep Message. What exactly is the message? Quit your job for the health of your soul? Quit your job because we all die in the end anyway? Sleep with a woman who glorifies several mental disorders if you weren’t dying fast enough after quitting your job? Personally, the only message I gleaned was that I should transition from bar soap to shower gel.

To these three Delaware daycare employees, existential nihilism is a concept important enough to instill into toddlers. When an incriminating video emerged, these three women were charged with assault and child endangerment after encouraging two children in their care to duke it out Ed/Brad style. According to Fox News, instead of resolving a dispute over pinching, the employees promoted physical violence among these two children for their own amusement. Wicked and sick? Yes, but not as sick wicked as those Fincher angles. Who else would think of filming the deterioration of someone’s life from inside a glass blender or whatever?

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