Dumb Criminals

Supposedly Like a Carrot Stick

Saturday, March 5th, 2016 • Filed under Assaults, Shop Lifting

Upon rewatching the Lord of the Rings trilogy nearly ten years after my first exposure, I was most struck by the silliness of the films. How had I been so emotionally invested in hairy-footed tiny people wielding glowing swords against the likes of mass-produced monsters and flaming eyeballs? At least I could still relate to the musical praise placed on “taters”.

Unfortunately, some people continue taking the story seriously, no matter their age. A South Carolina woman felt especially inspired by the climax after being caught shoplifting lube and underwear from a local Wal-Mart. According to Huffington Post, she bit off the entire finger of an employee attempting to prevent her from stealing and later only a part of a finger belonging to another employee she had punched in the face. Better yet, this was a year after she had been arrested for stabbing a fellow stripper with a high-heeled shoe.

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