Dumb Criminals

That’s Still A Tortoise

Sunday, November 16th, 2014 • Filed under Assaults

How slow are turtles really? Considering Franklin the Turtle has been an elementary school student throughout my entire childhood, my guess is that turtles are extremely slow. I’ve seen them eat their salad in the zoo, and the only creature that takes longer to eat vegetables is me.

Here’s one lady who might possibly be slower than all turtles combined. During a drunken argument with her boyfriend, she ended up stabbing him with a paring knife. Why? Because he threatened to harm her pet turtle for no apparent reason. According to HP, when Florida police arrived on the scene, the deranged boyfriend insisted that he didn’t want his attacker to go to jail. The cops had a different idea and shelled her up in the cozy home of a jail cell.

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