Dumb Criminals

Give Me All Your F#(&ing Jelly

Sunday, July 12th, 2015 • Filed under Banks, Robberies

Nothing can beat a good biscuit. I know this because I have actually undergone the turmoil required to bake homemade biscuits. The recipe begins with the responsibility of chopping up an entire stick of butter into minuscule pieces and concludes with cutting evenly sized chunks from a dough ball stickier than an alien symbiote. That being said, when my taste buds were finally acquainted with the recognizable flaky texture, the newly acquired tennis elbow and carpal tunnel syndrome became worth it.

After that graphic description, you may have a clue why a Florida bank robber felt the need to stop at a nearby restaurant to order biscuits after a hold-up. According to Huffington Post, it took all of 20 minutes for police to track him down from the bank to the restaurant booth. Witnesses spotted a man matching the robber’s description running directly toward a restaurant, where police say he promptly ditched his heist attire in the restroom. Maybe someone should let Ben Affleck know there is now a premise for The Town‘s sequel.

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