Dumb Criminals

A Vicious Cycle

Thursday, December 21st, 2006 • Filed under Cars, Theft

images15.jpgThe following story is true (maybe). The names have been changed to protect the innocent (they shall be referred to as Fargen McDinglepuss and Sam Slopenheppentonguemeister). All suspects are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law (unless you’re O.J.).

The following was sent to Dumb Criminals.com anonymously under the name “Dumbass Watcher” of Anytown U.S.A. Based on his name, we have ascertained that he TiVo’s “The View.”

Approximately two years ago, [Fargen McDinglepuss] purchased an extremely nice motorcycle. Against the advice of the licenced riders, he went out for a ride one weekend, only to be pulled over for speeding, and had his bike impounded. (Keep in mind that this is approximately two years!)

During the approximately two years that the bike was impounded, the local impound yard was nice enough to keep [Fargen McDinglepuss’s] bike garaged (in his personal garage), and out of the weather. In most states, this is above and beyond the call of duty.

Anyway, [Fargen McDinglepuss] shows up two weeks ago on a Monday morning, and asks if his bike is still in impound. The person that is on shift at the time confirms that the bike is still there, and the gentleman (I use that term lightly) goes on his way.

The following morning (Tuesday) the owner of the impound lot, [Sam Slopenheppentonguemeister] realized that the bike in question is missing, and promptly calls the police. The motorcycle is reported stolen, and business goes about as usual. This is where the story gets really good.

Apparently, the gentleman who had his bike impounded, tried to register the bike on Wednesday morning, in the same county!! (Not that it makes much of a difference with today’s technology) After waiting in line at the local Department of Motor Vehicles for an extended amount of time, he realized that “something was wrong” (dumbass). He immediately left the DMV (on the stolen bike) and was chased through Auburn, California for a short distance before he was taken in to custody.

Here is my question: What in the hell would make someone want to do this? Two years of impound fees will buy at least two bikes, without all of the hassles.

Hopefully, we can see this story under an “Extreme Dumbass” category!

Sincerely Yours

Dumbass Watcher

Our “Deep Throat” goes on to say that what McDinglepuss spent on two years of impound fees could have paid for two bikes. But chances are he would have those impounded and stolen from the impound yard and the amount he spent on two years of impound fees for two bikes could have paid for four bikes. Then chances are he would he would have those impounded and stolen from the impound yard and the amount he spent on two years of impound fees for four bikes could have paid for eight…(repeat exponentially to the second power until dead).

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