Can’t Slow Down: A Special Report
This just in from our Dumb Criminals News Headquarters, the only news organization that promises to deliver the news in three days or more…guaranteed. Former reality TV star and useless celebrity Nicole Richie is officially a dumb criminal. Before she was just dumb, but now she’s been arrested making her a dumb “criminal.” Close enough.
BURBANK, California (AP) — Nicole Richie was arrested early Monday for investigation of driving under the influence of alcohol, authorities said.
California Highway Patrol officers took Richie, 25, into custody without incident after she failed a field sobriety test, CHP Officer Todd Workman said.
Her black Mercedes sport utility vehicle was stopped in the car pool lane of State Highway 134 when officers arrived.
Normally, such behavior would only attract some rogue paparrazi who missed Yasmine Bleeth walking out of a Baskin-Robbins on two for one scoop night. It attracted the attention of the police because she was going the wrong way on the freeway. Her lawyer plans to use the “opposite day” defense at her trial.
An officer said Richie admitted she was hoped up on the marijuana and prescription Vicodin before her arrest, or as she called it, “breakfast.”
As sad as this sounds, this is actually good news. She can finally rekindle her friendship with Paris Hilton now that they have something in common. I mean, other than the fact that they are media whores who would expose their ovaries to a homeless man if it meant they could have five more minutes of camera time.
autumn miller Said,
December 19, 2006 @ 9:02 am
Whoa, someone really hates this girl. She’s living the life of who ever your FAVE celeb might just be, yet, you rip on her for it LOL think she did any of this when she was a no name? poor girl… plus she’s funny as hell. she has balls. she would tell you just like it is IF she cared enough aboutcha BUT she dosent lol
Bob Said,
January 11, 2007 @ 12:19 am
On the one hand, I am jealous of those who have more money than me. On the other, it is great when they screw up and I have something to rip on them.
Jon Said,
March 20, 2007 @ 10:39 am
Isn’t it a wonderful thing when the idolized people of America get exposed for the complete and total IDIOTS they are? Ah, the Soup, I knew it well…
Jack Said,
April 26, 2007 @ 5:12 pm
Be weary of how they are exposed. Certainly they are no different the average person, but at the same time, the media thrives on “exposing” celebrities to feed and/or “confirm” your presuppositions of their assumably less then average intelligence.
Caitlin Hoferichter Said,
May 24, 2007 @ 5:13 am
Any person that becomes rich and famous from having rich and famous daddies, I DO NOT LIKE. I slavework my life away for a couple of Rands to live off, this cow spends money like it grows on trees!
J.T. Said,
June 13, 2008 @ 2:50 pm
I don’t like rich people. I mean, they get away with murder (literally), they never help anyone, and they get anything they want. Me and you (whoever you may be) don’t get what we want right when we want it. They should be forced to give their money and work to get it back. I’ve seen rich people work- they threaten to sue whenever you make them actually do what they’re paid to do!