Dumb Criminals

Young Man, I Will Turn This Car Around!

Thursday, January 28th, 2016 • Filed under Assaults, Cars, Guns

Let us take this moment to appreciate all the DD’s of the world. Not Dunkin Donuts, not ample breasts, but designated drivers. Luckily because my driving skills are perilous at best while sober, I have never had the experience of a car filled with people screaming, vomiting, and possibly f***ing. At least Uber drivers are paid.

What happens when you can’t handle your exceedingly simplistic job driving passengers in a car? You get arrested. An Uber driver in Florida was transporting a customer who claimed he didn’t feel well and was going to vomit. Instead of pulling over and opening a window, the driver proceeded to pull a gun on the inebriated patron. According to The Smoking Gun, he claimed he had feared for his life as the backseat inhabitants drunkenly threatened to “stick dicks in his ear”. Although he was charged with assault, at least he didn’t go all Vincent and accidentally shoot Marvin in the face.

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