Dumb Criminals

Am I Certified…Now?

Friday, December 10th, 2010 • Filed under Drunks

Valuable Lesson Number One: There will come times in your life where the only thing left to do is shake your head and walk away. After reading this article from ABC Action News, I did just that; along with crying a few tears of pity for humankind.

A rather old man was spotted walking down a Pennsylvania highway. It became apparent that he had had one drink too many after he stopped walking and attempted to resuscitate a dead possum. Yes, you read that right. A stiff, flattened possum, well beyond the point of revival. Nevertheless, he performed a CPR that would make any lifeguard proud. The police, not quite sure what to make of this strange medical procedure, promptly arrested him for public drunkenness. No word yet on whether the possum corpse has been diagnosed with mono.

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