There’s dumb criminals and then there’s dumb criminals and when I said dumb the second time, I said it with a really long first syllable with a face that looks like someone dropped a safe on my foot. That kind of dumb.

According to the Associated Press, a Boston man pleaded to guilty to fraud charges in connection with a scheme he concocted with his wife in which they would go to restaurants and eat glass.

That’s right, they would eat glass in order to get money. Did they do it as a parlor trick in the hope some customers would toss a quarter in their hat? Did they think glass was low in carbs? Did they mistake glass for see-thru jalapeno poppers?

Nope, they did for the insurance money. Apparently MetLife has a new jackass policy.

It’s this simple. They would go into a restaurant, eat some glass, go to the hospital claiming there was glass in their food and send the insurance company the bill. Then they would pocket the check and leave the hospital bill unpaid. Their hideout was the Coney Island freak show next to the wolfboy who claims he can cough up his liver.