Astronut: A Special Report
Tuesday, February 6th, 2007 • Filed under Kidnappings
This just in from Dumb Criminals Mission Control Headquarters located deep in the core of the Earth next to Stuckey’s #3,746. A NASA astronaut has been arrested for the attempted kidnapping of ANOTHER astronaut because they both were in love with ANOTHER astronaut. It’s too bad the liver spotted soul of Aaron Spelling isn’t still around or we’d have another Fox Night at the Movies masteripiece.
ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) – An astronaut drove 900 miles and donned a disguise to confront a woman she believed was her rival for the affections of a space shuttle pilot, police said. She was arrested Monday and charged with attempted kidnapping and other counts.
U.S. Navy Capt. Lisa Nowak, 43, who flew last July on a shuttle mission to the international space station, was also charged with attempted vehicle burglary with battery, destruction of evidence and battery. She was denied bail.
Here’s the final rundown before the launch: according to the AP, Nowak thought fellow astronaut Colleen Shipman was having a little “re-entry” with Navy Cmdr. William Oefelein, so she drove over 900 miles to the Orlando Airport to confront her, even wearing diapers during the trip so she wouldn’t have to stop to take a bathroom break. Hey, that’s no joke. That Tang just runs right through ya.
Nowak tried to stalk Shipman at the airport by donning a disguise, specifically a wig and a trench coat. Shipman, of course, noticed her on an airport shuttle and tried to lose her in the parking lot. When Shipman refused to let her in the car, Nowak sprayed with a chemical, later identified as pepper spray. She called police and Nowak, using her astronaut training, attempted to float away before police caught her.
Nowak got hit with attempted kidnapping, attempted vehicle burglary with battery, destruction of evidence, battery and violating the Astronaut’s code.
Jack says: April 26th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
This isn’t so much a “stupid criminal” story as it would be a “criminally insane” story, although obvious why it was pretty stupid on her behalf. By she thwarted all logistics as to why an astronaut, who are suppose to one of the most intelligent people in the world, could think so irrationally. I guess emotions can take the best of you sometimes.
They crazy part: What I don’t get is why most women go after the other woman and not the cheating boyfriend? Most of the time, the other woman doesn’t know she’s the other woman.
The sad part, Nowak is a mother of 3. Not much is said about her children, but seems as though she just up and left them for all of this.
Most women with kids tend to want to date guys that have more “fatherly” qualities for their children which, he isn’t playing fatherly, so kick him the curb, genius.
Will says: May 10th, 2007 at 1:29 am
I agree. also, did something hit this woman in space? or has she always been this ignorant? personally, i think she may require a space medic to re evaluate wheather she was fazed by those shooting stars they were watching that romantic night on the shuttle…
Dumb Criminals » Unpampered: A Special Report Update says: June 30th, 2007 at 1:04 am
[...] back, we reported on the naughty behavior of one of NASA’s astronauts who traveling cross country in a set of diapers to kidnap and assault a fellow astronaut because [...]