Dumb Criminals

What’s Inside That Counts

Sunday, March 16th, 2014 • Filed under Fraud, Other

If I hear a girl say “skinny for prom” one more time, I’m gonna lose it. ‘Cause screw it, I’m getting super fat for prom. Morbidly obese. And for spring break? When, come mid-March, everyone else is surviving off of shredded lettuce and Sprite Zero for that perfect bikini bod…I’ll be upping my intake of McNuggets exponentially per day.

What on earth would make me want to do this? Not the purpose of a subtle f*ck you to the beauty standard of course, but to follow in the Skechers Shape-Up footsteps of this guy. A man in Florida, convicted of multi-million dollar mortgage fraud, is using his extra mass to his advantage, claiming that a series of weight-related ailments has prevented him from surrendering to his sentence. According to KSDK, despite the risk of serving harder time, he continues to insist that he “can only be treated for morbid obesity outside of federal prison”. As in the literal outside. He can’t even fit into a building, you doubters of truth.

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