Dumb Criminals

Vick ‘Em Boy: A Special Report

Wednesday, December 12th, 2007 • Filed under Other

This just in from the Dumb Criminals 24-hour News Center located behind the Rutland Crematorium in Southpaw, New Jersey: Michael Vick is going to jail.

According to every freaking newspaper in the country but for the sake of attribution, the Los Angeles Times, the former Atlanta Falcons quarterback has been sentenced to 23 months on federal dogfighting charges.

He appeared in court in a black and white stripped suit, which will become the standard uniform for the NFL next season.

The judge gave him the harshest sentence possible because of lies he told federal investigators and a failed drug test that came back positive for marijuana following his arrest earlier this year. He claimed in court that he wasn’t trying to harm anyone. He was only trying to beat Darryl Strawberry’s second chance record.

The sentence means that Vick will be out of the NFL for two whole seasons, and sports analysts are already predicting his time in jail may straighten him out and help him fly right. Even some former coaches said they would give him another chance, except, of course, for the Georgetown Hoyas.

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