Now To Make A Loooot of Tortillas
Tuesday, January 3rd, 2012 • Filed under Theft • 2 Comments
“I’m really in the mood for corn…fifty-five TONS of it.” Sometimes I wonder exactly how the planning of crimes goes down. They seem more like something you’d see in a videogame, rather than an actual idea out of someone’s actual mind. Then again, the actual minds here don’t amount to much.
One lovely afternoon in Brazil, some thieves decided to go green and steal some corn off of a train. How? According to Huffington Post, they greased the train tracks, and used a tow truck to remove the corn containers as the train slowed down. No word yet on where they’re gonna keep it all…
Tastes Better With Salsa
Tuesday, January 3rd, 2012 • Filed under Drugs, Smugglers • Comment
So, Christmas break is just wrapping up (no pun intended), and that means no more piles of seasonal junk food. In fact, most of our New Year’s resolutions probably involve shedding all those cookies chillin’ out around our waistline. My point is, like they’ve been teaching you since elementary school “health class”, junk food is BAD for you.
I Call Patches to the Stand!
Monday, December 26th, 2011 • Filed under Other • Comment
I have a lot of sympathy for dogs. Not just the homeless ones you see in those super sad commercials, but the ones sitting at the kitchen table wearing sweaters. The ones who would probably love to be homeless for a day or two, just so they could act like…well, I don’t know, dogs.
Scary Dairy
Monday, December 26th, 2011 • Filed under Assaults, Other Weapons • 3 Comments
The economy is pretty whacked out these days. Everyone is trying to sue everyone, or rip off everyone, or sue everyone for ripping off everyone. Or, in some cases, assaulting people because their ice cream is priced too high…?
They Said I Could Be Anything, So I Became Laundry
Tuesday, December 20th, 2011 • Filed under Other Weapons • Comment
Kids can be a lot of work. In fact, they’ve been called the “best form of birth control”. That being said, it’s still a parent’s duty to raise them into well-functioning members of the American society. Wait, that’s an oxymoron.
Feed Me, Seymour
Tuesday, December 20th, 2011 • Filed under Assaults • 1 Comment
Sometimes people get WAY too hungry. Even though it’s Christmas season, that’s probably not a good excuse to be eating bags full of cookies for every meal. Or biting the thumb of a policeman…?
Pounding Your Meat?
Sunday, December 11th, 2011 • Filed under Shop Lifting • 4 Comments
So, it’s been made understood that men only want one thing. A nice, red, juicy….steak. And some will stop at nothing to get one.
Kids vs. Creeps
Sunday, December 11th, 2011 • Filed under Other • 1 Comment
A lot of people are just downright creepy. But it’s a good thing we have small children to protect us from them…right?