Dumb Criminals

None of Your Beeswax

Sunday, January 5th, 2014 • Filed under Theft

Mmm…honey. Good in green tea, good with peanut butter. Who knew insect vomit could be so versatile and tasty? So versatile, in fact, it can be used as a term of endearment? “Bee puke, I’m home!” Nope.


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Getting A Bit Squirrely

Saturday, January 4th, 2014 • Filed under Assaults, Other Weapons

Squirrels are a nuisance, hands down. Walking around with their chubby faces full of food, scurrying up trees, prancing across the street with their babies…absolutely filthy, disgusting creatures. Aliens, honestly. So why would people have little ceramic statues of them?


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Neato Mosquito

Tuesday, December 24th, 2013 • Filed under Arson

You know one good thing about this freezing winter weather?  EVERYTHING IS DEAD. No bugs, no falling leaves, no small children. ‘Tis the season to stay the hell inside.


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Sticky Situation

Tuesday, December 24th, 2013 • Filed under Assaults, Other Weapons

How much do you love peanut butter? Would you eat it every day? Every minute? Every second? Would you eat it here or there? In a box with a fox? Maybe…but would you use it as a weapon?


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Would You Like Fries With That? x 1000

Sunday, December 1st, 2013 • Filed under Technology, Theft

How about that holiday weight gain? It’s almost by design that we have Candy Day, Turkey Day, and Gingerbread Day all in a short time span…maybe so that gyms will be full coming January 1st? Who knows, but these guys sure know how to put on a few pounds.


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Fashion, Look It Up

Tuesday, November 26th, 2013 • Filed under Drugs, Drunks

Clothing is always crazy, but lately with Black Friday looming near, merchandise shelves are getting more and more outrageous. Pink fur jackets (which animal has pink fur, and if so, why would you kill such a rarity just to keep your rich white butt warm?) paired with pants too patterned to seem real (thanks, let me just walk around sporting wallpaper) seem to fill everyone’s shopping bags.


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Defriended

Monday, November 25th, 2013 • Filed under Other, Technology

Remember when Facebook was the rad thing? Now it’s populated only by your relatives. And Instagram? Populated by your younger siblings. Pinterest? Caters to yoga pants-wearing bottle blondes. Reddit? Wtf is that. But there are still those few weirdos who occasionally comment and make statuses on Facebook. And those weirdos may include legitimate criminals.


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Steel Mor Soots

Sunday, November 10th, 2013 • Filed under Theft

Didn’t you ever wonder how the chickens felt about Chik Fil A? Here are their barnyard friends, the cows, basically selling their poor asses into mass human consumption. Little different from the cute picture books you read as a kid, right?

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