You Can’t Spell “Big Stupid Morons” Without “G-P-S”
Monday, October 19th, 2009 • Filed under Burglaries • 4 Comments
It’s always important to plan ahead. You never know when you might need to make a quick getaway and GPS coverage is spotty at best these days. Hell, a hole covered, wind proof umbrella provides better coverage.
Two burglars were jailed for their crimes after stopping to ask a cop for directions, according to TheLocal.de.
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Not Without My Pants
Friday, October 16th, 2009 • Filed under Drunks • 6 Comments
Say what you will about this turd in the gene pool. At least he has the balls to go without pants and his officer’s will admit to it, because he doesn’t have any pants.
A public drunkard was arrested for his lack of fashion sense, mainly his lack of pants, according to the Bangor Daily News.
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Call of the Weird
Thursday, October 15th, 2009 • Filed under Drugs • 7 Comments
This kind of thing happens so many times that I’m literally running out of jokes to make about it. If only someone would have the smarts to do it differently like while wearing a funny hat or behind the wheel of a clown car. That, of course, implies that they have smarts to begin with, so that won’t happen. Thanks fate.
Another stoner called the police to report his stolen bag of pot, according to 3news.co.nz.
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Jerk in the Box
Wednesday, October 14th, 2009 • Filed under Drunks • 17 Comments
No, don’t worry overweight America. This story isn’t about a fast food employee doing something disgusting to your meal that would get him fired, then re-hired just so they could fire him again before he’s arrested. Besides, there’s nothing a fast food worker could do to your burger that could make it worse for you than it already is.
A drunk driver drove his lawnmower to a Jack in the Box drive-thru, according to UPI.
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Key Lame Pie
Monday, October 12th, 2009 • Filed under Cars, Drugs • 12 Comments
This case isn’t really a textbook definition of dumb, but it’s in the ballpark. If anything, it makes staying awake in high school chemistry a necessity.
A man caught with more than 1,700 pounds of pot on his person tried to hide the scent of his stash with limes, according to the Asheville Citizen-Times.
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Drugs Impare Your Judgement
Friday, October 9th, 2009 • Filed under Drugs • 45 Comments
Sometimes I wonder if court houses should be required to equip brain detectors instead of metal detectors.
A guy going into one courthouse put his bag of marijuana into the pocket bowl before walking through the metal detector, according to the Abliene Reporter News.
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You’re No Fun Anymore
Thursday, October 8th, 2009 • Filed under Other • 7 Comments
Note to self: judges are not “Monty Python” fans.
A man facing sentencing told a judge to “get on with it” as the judge was speaking, according to the Morning Call.
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Rather Be Pissed Off Than Pissed On
Wednesday, October 7th, 2009 • Filed under Other • 2 Comments
A word of warning: if you’re going to write a headline like that and need some art to accompany it, keep the “safe search” option in the “on” position on Google Images. It’ll save you a lot of headaches…and stomach aches.
A woman got busted for urinating on a police station, according to the AP.
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