Just Slept Through My Alarm…
Monday, December 5th, 2011 • Filed under Robberies • Comment
Sleeping on the job is probably never a good idea. Unless, of course, you’re a mattress tester. Does that career even exist? “Rise and shine, ma’am. Your shift’s over, you can go home now.” “Aww…” Uh, sign me up.
Family is Family
Monday, December 5th, 2011 • Filed under Banks, Robberies • Comment
Ahh, sibling rivalry. It’s been in place since the two of you fought over who got to eat the last bowl of Cocoa Puffs, and still pops back up at family reunions over whose kid won the board game.
Livin’ In The Fridge
Saturday, November 26th, 2011 • Filed under Other, Other Weapons • Comment
It’s a pretty tough call between which is better, a puppy or a significant other. On one hand, a puppy won’t leave if you start to put on a few pounds, and they never argue about what to watch. Then again, it’s not like your dog can take you out to dinner and insist you’re the most beautiful woman in the world.
What Not To Wear: Criminal Edition
Saturday, November 26th, 2011 • Filed under Drunks • 1 Comment
The things people wear never cease to amaze me. And not in the good OMG-that’s-sooooo-cute-where-can-I-get-one way. I’m talking leopard tights instead of pants, T-shirts basically cursing people out, and skirts that leave absolutely nothing to the imagination…
At Least She Doesn’t Sparkle
Monday, November 21st, 2011 • Filed under Assaults • Comment
Judging from my observations, the hype for the release of Breaking Dawn was pleasantly nearly non-existent. Possibly because Harry Potter overtook it, or because Kristen Stewart can conjure up even less emotion than a paper bag.
And It’s Not Even Thanksgiving Yet
Monday, November 21st, 2011 • Filed under Burglaries • Comment
As a kid, my belief in Santa Claus was always challenged by wondering why he couldn’t just go through the front door. Not to mention my concern for the kids who didn’t have chimneys. But why would a guy who can fly around the world with millions of gifts in one night have to adhere to conventional entrances?
I Think I’ll Stick To Burger Time…
Saturday, November 12th, 2011 • Filed under Other • 5 Comments
One of the greatest mysteries presented over and over to the female population is that of…video games. Especially the violent, bloody, shoot-that-guy-over-there-and-that-guy-and-that-guy-and-THAT-guy kind.
Crayons, Stat!
Saturday, November 12th, 2011 • Filed under Murderers • 2 Comments
Plastic surgery? Ick. Even the name sounds gross….like they’re inserting Legos into your organ systems. Which, really, isn’t any more ridiculous than implanting rubber inside some rich chick’s lady-parts. Or those who fork over tons of money to get multiple shots…in their face.