And Stay Away From My Indy Whip
Saturday, November 5th, 2011 • Filed under Murderers • 3 Comments
Okay. I apologize to all you George Lucas nuts out there, but I…just…don’t…get it. The Star Wars Saga not only manages to span the entire galaxy, but also the whole spectrum of boring. Anakin Skywalker seems to create more drama than a Disney Channel teen, and Yoda is nothing more than a walking self-help book.
Been A Pleasu–BAM!
Thursday, November 3rd, 2011 • Filed under Drugs, Murderers • 6 Comments
People are always weird about money, it seems. “Hey Jeff, can I borrow a dollar? I simply cannot survive another second without exposing my digestive system to this highly caffeinated and fattening beverage.” “Sorry, man.” “(insert look of complete and utter contempt)….it’s fine.”
Broken Heart, Broken Windows
Monday, October 31st, 2011 • Filed under Vandalism • 3 Comments
Old couples can be really cute. They remind you that it’s never too late to find love, and it sure beats seeing someone living with a couple dozen cats. Although I guess you don’t hear cats complaining about “the infernal racket coming from that blasted screen”.
The Family Who Eats Together…
Monday, October 31st, 2011 • Filed under Assaults • 3 Comments
Women can get a little crazy over their food. If you’ve ever stood between a tired mother and her chocolate, and survived to tell the tale…you have my admiration.
“You Can Go, But Be Back Soon”
Sunday, October 23rd, 2011 • Filed under Shop Lifting • 4 Comments
Smartphowned, while rather inappropriate and repetitive, is a website that may possibly save my life by means of comic relief. “It takes an hour to like someone and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone <3” “….once my mom forgot me in a parking lot.”
I Might Even Have A Coupon
Sunday, October 23rd, 2011 • Filed under Drugs • 3 Comments
Some people advertise WAY too much. Yes, I know you’re a drummer, there’s no need to wear the same Rush t-shirt every day, and walk around banging lockers in a rhythmic (and VERY annoying) fashion. Girls are even worse…nobody wants a distinct view of your cleavage from across a crowded hallway.
Masks Are Too Mainstream…
Saturday, October 15th, 2011 • Filed under Caught on tape, Robberies • 4 Comments
We all know people who are ashamed of their looks. Then we know people who are “ashamed of their looks”. You know what I’m talking about, the teenage girls who take eight million Facebook webcam photos of themselves, all with a caption like “omgg look how uglyy i am </3”. And the comments below are usually even more sickening.
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It’s Seared, Not Burnt
Saturday, October 15th, 2011 • Filed under Arson, Fraud, Scams • 3 Comments
Everyone should learn to cook, right? You don’t want to be that family who alternates between PB&J sandwiches and chicken Mcnuggets as their constant nutritional income. Or worse, the family who throws parties and no one shows up, for fear of being either poisoned or disgusted into the next dimension.
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