It’s hard to imagine sending someone to jail over $7.45 that doesn’t involve a broken condom, a stolen stack of rare “Alf” pogs or a package of Hi-C tainted with anthrax.

But it happened in Florida when a woman refused to pay her bill at Waffle House, according to the AP.

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Hey, we’ve all been there before. You’re alone. You’ve just broken up your girlfriend or rather she broke up with you but you told everyone it was mutual because it’s embarrassing to admit that a woman forced you to have feelings and emotions that extend beyond rage or rage. You pull up to the car wash and there she is, a tall, shapely beauty that puts out for 50 cents, depending on which gas station you go to.

So we can probably understand why this guy was caught having sex with a car wash vacuum, according to the AP.

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You would be fascinated to know of some of the weird forms of currency that are used throughout the world. An island in Micronesia would use giant stone wheels as money. The west African region used something called “Kissi,” which were long black sticks that when broken could only be restored to their full value in a special ceremony. And in Verona Beach, Fla., their McDonald’s will accept marijuana as a payment.

Or so one man thought, according to the AP.

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Oh, whoops, too late. Some newspaper already did.

The Morning Call reported rather humorously that a drunk driver crashed into a McDonald’s just a few feet away from a cop car.

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When a criminal does something that even the dorks on “jackass” won’t do, you’ve reached a whole new low in stupidity. In fact, it can’t even be called stupidity. I shall make up a name for that level now - “shtumlippity.”

A guy in San Diego got caught stealing lobsters from traps and hiding them in his pants, according to the AP.

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Don’t steal a snake from a zoo unless you know what to feed it or don’t have small, unnaturally curious children running around picking things off the floor to see if it will attack them or not.

A man in Oklahoma did just that and returned it to the zoo to ask what he should feed it, according to the Oklahoman.

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In this guy’s defense, we can’t imagine that the people who actually work airport security require a lot of intelligence for what they do. After all, they spend their entire day staring into radioactive X-ray waves for barely minimum wage.

But that still doesn’t excuse this guy who tried to smuggle heroin into an airport by stuffing it into a dead guy, according to the AP.

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Read all about it! Man steals newspaper racks, then leaves them in his motel room that he registered in his own name! Police surprised he knew how to read! Read all about it!

This story comes to us courtesy of the San Antonio Express-News.

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