“It’s An Intimate Get-Together”
Tuesday, September 20th, 2011 • Filed under Other • Comment
Some people can throw some crazy parties, right? I’m talking food-throwing, radio-blasting, bottle-spinning madness. Personally, I have no problem throwing food and blasting music in the comfort and solitude of my own home…but at least going to parties means I’M not the one cleaning up afterwards.
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Oh, And You’re Fired
Wednesday, September 14th, 2011 • Filed under Banks • 1 Comment
Old people can get a little crazy, can’t they? I have a few stories of my own…my grandma holding up a magnifying glass to a computer screen, my grandpa taking out the trash every time someone throws one thing away. They just have their own way of going about things.
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Oh, Good. I Thought It Was You
Sunday, September 11th, 2011 • Filed under Assaults, Other Weapons • Comment
Some people take the phrase “become your character” way too seriously. Maybe the Geico caveman doesn’t shower in real life, and Tobey Maguire goes around trying to climb up buildings. Just as long as they don’t pull a Heath Ledger…
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Should’ve Put A Ring On It
Tuesday, September 6th, 2011 • Filed under Assaults, Drunks • 1 Comment
Somewhere, there’s probably an officially archived list of things NOT to do on your wedding day. And although it seems like a given, “getting arrested” would probably be in the top three.
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Make Yourself At Home
Monday, September 5th, 2011 • Filed under Burglaries • 2 Comments
Being a host is so stressful. First, you have to clean your house to the point of hiding any evidence of actual humans living there. Next, you need to spend time preparing a bunch of unhealthy food that your female guests probably won’t even look at, because it contains the deadly disease known as calories.
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Hey, I Have One Just Like That!
Wednesday, August 31st, 2011 • Filed under Drugs, Theft • Comment
Note to My Inner Criminal Self: There are some things you just DON’T steal. You’d have to be an idiot to try to make a getaway while lugging a grand piano out the door, as valuable as those things are. And you probably shouldn’t steal anyone’s identity, either. Especially if they’re a male…’cause their ego won’t fit through the door, either.
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Mother-In-Training
Thursday, August 25th, 2011 • Filed under Other • 3 Comments
Babysitting is not a bad job, in terms of the perks. There’s the money, free food, and all the shows you’re not allowed to watch at home. That is, if you can keep the 6 year old from attacking the 4 year old and the 4 year old from attacking the dog and the dog from attacking the 6 year old.
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Not REAL Royalty
Thursday, August 25th, 2011 • Filed under Other Weapons • 2 Comments
Some people don’t quite live in the 21st century, do they? They fantasize about traveling to alternate dimensions for their honeymoon, or having some kind of telepathic connection with their pets. Then you have others, who use the phrase “but, my dear fellow” before every sentence and insist upon boiling their bathwater.
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