Dumb Criminals

A Crime Worse Than Anchovies

Tuesday, November 3rd, 2015 • Filed under Break-Ins, Robberies

What would you do for a good pizza? Due to the misfortune of living off dining hall garbage and Domino’s toxic waste for several months, I’d kill someone for legitimate saucy, cheesy, New York style heroin. If you don’t know what it’s like to risk a prison sentence for pizza, you’ve probably only had Papa John’s.

This guy in Michigan did more than just risk the possibility of trial; he is currently awaiting formal charges…after being incarcerated. How is this possible? When attempting to rob a local restaurant, he accidentally lodged himself between the roof and floor of a pizza oven vent. Perhaps because no amount of self-applied marinara sauce or olive oil would serve as viable lubricant, the man remained inside the vent for roughly 11 hours. According to Huffington Post, the police only located the failed criminal when responding to reports of a man screaming. He then proceeded to resist arrest, warranting him a rather saucy criminal.

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