A Dork with a Spork
Monday, March 3rd, 2008 • Filed under Robberies
Be warned, if you are in Alaska and you spot a man walking down the street with a spork, do not think twice. Call the police. Call the National Guard. Call a friend with a gun to take this bastard out.
According to the Associated Press, police are investigating an armed robbery in which the robber tried to hold up a man at “spork-point.”
Police have actually arrested a suspect, but have not determined if the man used a spork during the robbery. Police officials have said that even though they have arrested him, Colonel Sanders is cooperating with authorities.
The robber tried to grab a man’s watch by slashing at him with a weapon. The victim said he pulled out a pocketknife but police said the wounds are more consistent with that of a spork. I smell a future “CSI” story spinoff.
The man was found several blocks from the scene drunk and carrying several sporks, which along with wearing a “FBI: Female Body Inspector” t-shirt and holding a burrito like a cigarette is consistent with being drunk in public.
Kazumei says: March 3rd, 2008 at 11:25 am
wow…i mean i didn’t think sporks were so dangerous….i’ve used them to eat burritos but holding a burrito like a cigarette?!oh my god!it’s soooo stupid!that retard made my abuelo turn in his grave!
Birdzilla says: March 3rd, 2008 at 11:28 am
If stupididy was a crime he would get life for being so stupid
RockTheRave says: March 4th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
LMAO!! Omgosh!! A spork? A freaking spork?! Hahaha! Wow, he must have been VERY VERY VERY drunk! XD What’s even more funny is that while reading the article, I was eating with a spork as well! LMAO! (My stomach hurts from laughing now . . .) Well, there went my apetite! =D
Jack says: March 20th, 2008 at 8:48 am
If you watched that Mountain Dew commercial about yo-yos being used as a weapon, imagine the same concept with the spork. Now that would be hilarious.
Anon says: March 28th, 2008 at 7:46 am
the yo-yo thing is a true fact… and honestly i can see how. but o topic i cant beleive anyone would even attempt such an act… with a spork….
Jack says: March 28th, 2008 at 9:54 am
Sorry to go on a tangent, but the yo-yo is not a true fact, despite what the commercial claims. I researched it. But that’s a whole other story.
But quite so with the spork. I just read recently about a 10-year-old girl that tried to rob a convenient store with a rock. The weapons these people come up with to rob a store is truly amazing.
…spork…hahaha.
Bullfrog says: March 28th, 2008 at 10:50 am
im not going to say it again but he is one
Kate~the~Great says: April 1st, 2008 at 1:40 am
I don’t think you guys are giving the spork and it’s wielder enough credit. I propose I could pull off a robbery >j/k< with a plastic knife.
It’s all in the attitude, and the lunging, ya know what I’m saying? (Note the thick, fake mobster affect to my voice
The Difference a Title can Make « Obsession with movies, crime, and pigs says: April 23rd, 2008 at 11:57 pm
[...] for that man who would have had all that crap in his stomach. The third title I chose was ‘A Dork with a Spork‘. I didn’t know what a spork meant till I searched in the dictionary – ‘a spoon [...]
PLN at KIS » Blog Archive » The Difference a Title can Make says: April 24th, 2008 at 12:29 am
[...] for that man who would have had all that crap in his stomach. The third title I chose was ‘A Dork with a Spork‘. I didn’t know what a spork meant till I searched in the dictionary – ‘a spoon [...]
ronda says: June 11th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
a spork? who would really allow themselves to be robbed by a man threating them with a spork?
Tiny says: October 9th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
Of coarse, the mighty spork is the ultimate weapon. He wasnt drunk, he had a stroke of genious
Ruri says: January 14th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Next thing you know, he’ll be holding up a bank with a SPOON!
BigFoot says: May 26th, 2009 at 9:39 am
“The man was found several blocks from the scene drunk and carrying several sporks, which along with wearing a “FBI: Female Body Inspector” t-shirt and holding a burrito like a cigarette is consistent with being drunk in public.”
Not in Alaska, there it takes a lot more to distinguish “normal” drunk in public from “Alaskan” drunk in public.