RSS Feed
Dumb Criminals

A Dork with a Spork

Monday, March 3rd, 2008 • Filed under Robberies

Be warned, if you are in Alaska and you spot a man walking down the street with a spork, do not think twice. Call the police. Call the National Guard. Call a friend with a gun to take this bastard out.

According to the Associated Press, police are investigating an armed robbery in which the robber tried to hold up a man at “spork-point.”

Police have actually arrested a suspect, but have not determined if the man used a spork during the robbery. Police officials have said that even though they have arrested him, Colonel Sanders is cooperating with authorities.

The robber tried to grab a man’s watch by slashing at him with a weapon. The victim said he pulled out a pocketknife but police said the wounds are more consistent with that of a spork. I smell a future “CSI” story spinoff.

The man was found several blocks from the scene drunk and carrying several sporks, which along with wearing a “FBI: Female Body Inspector” t-shirt and holding a burrito like a cigarette is consistent with being drunk in public.

12 comments...
share yours too!

  • Kazumei says: March 3rd, 2008 at 11:25 am

    wow…i mean i didn’t think sporks were so dangerous….i’ve used them to eat burritos but holding a burrito like a cigarette?!oh my god!it’s soooo stupid!that retard made my abuelo turn in his grave!

  • Birdzilla says: March 3rd, 2008 at 11:28 am

    If stupididy was a crime he would get life for being so stupid

  • RockTheRave says: March 4th, 2008 at 5:10 pm

    LMAO!! Omgosh!! A spork? A freaking spork?! Hahaha! Wow, he must have been VERY VERY VERY drunk! XD What’s even more funny is that while reading the article, I was eating with a spork as well! LMAO! (My stomach hurts from laughing now . . .) Well, there went my apetite! =D

  • Jack says: March 20th, 2008 at 8:48 am

    If you watched that Mountain Dew commercial about yo-yos being used as a weapon, imagine the same concept with the spork. Now that would be hilarious.

  • Anon says: March 28th, 2008 at 7:46 am

    the yo-yo thing is a true fact… and honestly i can see how. but o topic i cant beleive anyone would even attempt such an act… with a spork….

  • Jack says: March 28th, 2008 at 9:54 am

    Sorry to go on a tangent, but the yo-yo is not a true fact, despite what the commercial claims. I researched it. But that’s a whole other story.

    But quite so with the spork. I just read recently about a 10-year-old girl that tried to rob a convenient store with a rock. The weapons these people come up with to rob a store is truly amazing.

    …spork…hahaha.

  • Bullfrog says: March 28th, 2008 at 10:50 am

    im not going to say it again but he is one

  • Kate~the~Great says: April 1st, 2008 at 1:40 am

    I don’t think you guys are giving the spork and it’s wielder enough credit. I propose I could pull off a robbery >j/k< with a plastic knife.
    It’s all in the attitude, and the lunging, ya know what I’m saying? (Note the thick, fake mobster affect to my voice

  • The Difference a Title can Make « Obsession with movies, crime, and pigs says: April 23rd, 2008 at 11:57 pm

    [...] for that man who would have had all that crap in his stomach. The third title I chose was ‘A Dork with a Spork‘. I didn’t know what a spork meant till I searched in the dictionary - ‘a spoon [...]

  • PLN at KIS » Blog Archive » The Difference a Title can Make says: April 24th, 2008 at 12:29 am

    [...] for that man who would have had all that crap in his stomach. The third title I chose was ‘A Dork with a Spork‘. I didn’t know what a spork meant till I searched in the dictionary - ‘a spoon [...]

  • ronda says: June 11th, 2008 at 9:16 pm

    a spork? who would really allow themselves to be robbed by a man threating them with a spork?

  • Tiny says: October 9th, 2008 at 7:12 pm

    Of coarse, the mighty spork is the ultimate weapon. He wasnt drunk, he had a stroke of genious

Leave a Reply

Criminals by Email

I'll email you every time we post a new dumb criminal.

Sign up!
You'll like it, I promise!

Don't worry &mdash I won't email you about anything else.

Best of the Network

Real Haunted Houses
Who says ghosts aren't real? We have catalogued hundreds of haunted houses.

Dumb Warnings
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." You won't believe these warnings!

Copyright © 1999 - 2009 The Dumb Network. All Rights Reserved. Privacy