Dumb Criminals

Eat Fresh (And Get On the Effing Ground)

Saturday, November 8th, 2014 • Filed under Robberies

Part of growing up is understanding that I don’t have to abide by my family’s regulations concerning food any longer. Caffeine makes my mom jittery, yet I drink at least two cups a day in order to ensure a stunted growth and lifelong stimulant addiction. My family also despises Subway, yet nothing appeals to me more than room-temperature veggies on soggy bread.

This Alabama criminal doesn’t seem to abide by any regulations at all. Seen here at Huffington Post, an 18 year old man was arrested after robbing four Subway sandwich shops. Security cameras at one of the locations caught him making off with the register money; security cameras at a nearby Wal-Mart caught him shopping while wearing the exact same outfit. When interrogated, the youngster replied that he wasn’t satisfied with the Jared Diet and wanted his money back. For those of you whose first exposure to the Jared Diet is this article—this is a fad started by a man claiming he lost over half his weight by eating two Subway sandwiches a day. Honestly that seems like a crime within itself.

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