Remember what Sean Connery said in “The Untouchables”? “Don’t bring a screwdriver to a gun fight and then just claim it’s a gun because you’ll look really lame and stupid.”

INDIANAPOLIS, Indiana (Indianapolis Star) - William McMiller Jr., 40, was arrested on an initial charge of robbery after he demanded money and threatened to shoot a cashier at the Kentucky Fried Chicken, 2801 W. 16th Street, at about 3:20 p.m. Thursday, according to Indianapolis police reports.McMiller, records show, is being held in the Marion County Jail on $80,000 bond.

McMiller, police said, ordered a bucket of chicken then told cashier Deanne Slaughter: “Give me the money before I shoot you.”

The suspect held his hand in his back pocket as if reaching for a gun, police said, then lifted his foot to jump over the counter.

Paul Sherlock, a customer sitting in the dining room, approached and pointed a Taurus 9-mm handgun towards the suspect’s back.

The suspect raised his hands over his head, police said. Sherlock ordered him to lean against a window with his hands up until police arrived.

Police found a long screwdriver, not a gun, in McMiller’s pocket.

He stuck up a chicken joint with a screwdriver? That doesn’t even look like a gun. He’d be better off holding it up with a chicken drumstick, and I would too, come to think of it.

But kudos to Mr. Sherlock to standing up to the criminal element. I have to say if I were in his shoes, I don’t know if I’d react as bravely as him. The only thing I’d be able to do is wet myself. And if I were able to regain my faculties, maybe I could wet the criminal.

Don’t laugh. It might help. Don’t you watch CSI? Those guys look for urine like propsectors look for gold. They even call it gold.