Dumb Criminals

You Can’t Spell “No You Put YOUR Hands Up” Without N-R-A

November 15, 2006 @ 4:04 am · Filed under Guns, Robberies

images8.jpgONE OF LIFE’S LITTLE LESSONS #450 - Members of the NRA love their guns. No, you don’t understand. They looooooove their guns. While other people look for opportunities to network, achieve life’s goals or find their one true love, NRA members look for opportunities to use their guns. The only reason they don’t marry their guns is because it’s subconscious phallic nature could be construed as a form of same-sex marriage.

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. (AP) - The bandit should have paid closer attention to the used car salesman’s “Friends of the NRA” ball cap before pulling his gun. Auto dealer Greg “Lumpy” Lambert, a Knox County commissioner, said a young man walked onto his sales lot Saturday and was determined to buy a 2005 Ford Focus.

Lambert said he became suspicious during the test drive when the man didn’t want to haggle over price or even ask for a mechanical inspection.

Presented with the sales paperwork, the man pulled a .25-caliber handgun from his pocket, apparently to rob him, the commissioner said.

Freeze. All right, what’s the problem here? Well, according to the AP, the robber failed to notice his .380 caliber pistol, NRA ball cap in his office and free rifle giveaways with every car purchase. He also failed to notice that he was in Tennessee, a state who’s major export is friendly fire.

The suspect then fled the scene, but left his driver’s license at the scene. Police were also able to follow a trail of urine all the way back to his hideout.

Police arrested Kane Stackhouse and charged him with attempted aggravated robbery. The attempted is because he never had time to demand any money. The NRA will give Lambert with their annual “Humanitarian of the Year” award.



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13 Comments »

  1. Bruce Said,

    December 6, 2006 @ 2:52 pm

    That’s right… us NRA types love being able to defend ourselves against dumb criminals. It keeps us from becoming dumb victims (about 750,000 times a year).

    If it weren’t for guns, we’d all be British.

  2. Chiari Said,

    December 27, 2006 @ 10:45 pm

    i can’t wait until someone attempts to rob my house. I’ll blow his ass away!

  3. Ericka Said,

    January 12, 2007 @ 2:09 pm

    I’m from this area… this guy also shot and killed either a CVS or Walgreen’s truck driver before he robbed Mr Lambert. Sad story, but rather funny, too.

  4. Wally Said,

    February 2, 2007 @ 6:04 pm

    Curious how the commentator seems to think NRA members are knuckle dragging cavemen? I guess he’s never read a who’s who of the famous and well respected people who are members of this fine organization.

    One final thought for the day - guns give claws to the weak. Ask any lady who’s used her pistol to ward off a would-be rapist.

  5. Conrad Holm Said,

    February 27, 2007 @ 9:22 am

    Are NRA members knuckle dragging cavemen?

    If so, I’m proud to be exactly that. And I am Norwegian for heavens sake!! Notice how the bunnyhuggers always side with the felons. But if we start shooting up the criminals, we’ll hurt their feelings beyond all reason!

    How sad…

  6. Randal Pentecost Said,

    July 14, 2007 @ 7:48 pm

    I agree, we lothahsome N.R.A. members LOVE our guns, they provide entertainment and a way to stay alive. We also teach our kids how to shoot, which is why my son and his best friend are expert marksmen in the air force and marines, respectfully, protecting your dumb ass and our nation. We also teach them to VOTE, and did not for Gore and will not for Hillary. “Guns kill people like spoons made Rosie O’Donnell fat” and the motto of Virginia tech of
    “Criminals prefer unarmed victims” come to mind. Protect yourself with your lips, we use something more positive.

  7. Ben Said,

    September 6, 2007 @ 10:49 am

    “If it weren’t for guns, we’d all be British.”

    Sadly no, you also need a brain.

  8. Mad Red Queen Said,

    September 24, 2007 @ 9:42 am

    Ah, whatever, you gun-nuts. I’ll pack some pepper spray before I pack a gun. It’s statistically proven that someone in your house is MUCH more likely to injure themselves with a damn gun than to become a victim of a robber. And, seriously, stashing that dumb handgun in your bedroom dresser won’t save your sorry ass if you get ambushed during daylight. For some reason, I think that crazed gunmen tend to frown on letting the people in the house that they’re terrorizing go search for their guns. Well, unless you’re completely f***in’ crazy, and you duct tape loaded rifles under every available surface. Yippe Kai Yay, you f***in’ psychos.

  9. Mad Red Queen Said,

    September 24, 2007 @ 9:47 am

    Also, a good portion of people who are against morons packin’ all kinds of heat aren’t “bunny-huggers”. WTF people, pull your head out of your own ass, as don’t generalize.

  10. randal pentecost Said,

    September 27, 2007 @ 11:39 pm

    yes “bunny hugger” my best friend of 40yr’s wife of 20 yr’s removed a handgun from my night-stand and committed suicide. HOW do you think I feel?

  11. Dennis Said,

    February 29, 2008 @ 12:28 pm

    Ok, I’m 16 years old and my entire family has guns, we have been taught proper use and handling of firearms, and my parents keep our firearms locked up in a key-coded safe that not even i know the combination to. So to those people out there that think guns are a waste of time, then explain that to my 6 year old brother who almost got kidnapped from our house had it not been for my .44 Mag under my matress….Ill tell u this, the son of a bitch sure as hell changed his mind about my bro when he saw that my .44 was a ‘lil bigger than his 9mm glock. So guns not only take lives, they also save them. Just depends on the type of person holding the gun.

  12. brett Said,

    April 10, 2008 @ 10:52 pm

    Im a proud member of the NRA. any other members need to check out 50calterror.com and laugh at people’s idiocy

  13. FirstFreedom76 Said,

    October 17, 2008 @ 6:39 pm

    Mad Queen and Ben - You are right, if you don’t know how to safely use, store and maintain a gun - don’t own one, it will probably be a liability to you. NRA members do know. I own a gun and it kept me from being robbed without shooting it. Just showing it the would-be thug sent him running.. The media typically don’t report that.

    Mad Queen spouts the anti-rights bullshit. - “It’s statistically proven that someone in your house is MUCH more likely to injure themselves with a damn gun than to become a victim of a robber.” Check the research yourself and don’t rely on the VPC or Brady Bunch to give you the facts. Try this link for a start:

    http://www.opednews.com/articles/Where-are-the-gun-rights-g-by-William-Lawrence-080715-601.html

    Read through the comments.

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