Dumb Criminals

And I Thought Flat Irons Were Harmful

Monday, August 1st, 2011 • Filed under Arson

Why do girls always fall for the jerks? Is it ‘cause the “nice guys” are all unibrow-ed Minecraft players and therefore doomed to eternal friend-zone status? Or is it because being a total DB somehow makes you much more attractive to the opposite sex? I think it’s safe to say that most teenage girls don’t quite have their wits about them…

However, this one girl is having even further issues with her head. She was just sitting in class one day, when the boy behind her proceeded to light her hair on fire. Luckily, the teacher intervened before there was any real damage. According to OC Weekly, the boy insisted that he was not an arsonist, and only started the impromptu barbecue as joking revenge. However, considering he was already on probation, things weren’t looking too good. Especially in the dating department.


An Apology Would Have Sufficed…

Tuesday, January 4th, 2011 • Filed under Arson, Assaults

Failed relationships seem to be a common theme in the world of crime. But how often does the criminal get arrested for trying to fix it?

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Your Stuff is on Fire, LOL

Thursday, August 13th, 2009 • Filed under Arson

As frustrating as cell phones are, I still love them. You can communicate with the universe from any corner of the planet when you can get a signal. You can stay in touch with your closest friends and family members when they remember to turn their phones on. You can tell off your ex-girlfriend while you’re burning her stuff.

One guy who did just that got arrested because he texted the message over his cell phone, according to the AP.

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Hot Pursuit

Wednesday, July 8th, 2009 • Filed under Arson, Cars, Robberies

Fire and crime go together like Legos and Oreos. If a suspect uses it, it’s bound to attract attention.

That’s a lesson that one crook learned when he set fire to his car before committing a hold up in an attempt to destroy any forensic evidence that might led police to him, according to the London Telegraph.

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Fire Dumb Below

Monday, February 11th, 2008 • Filed under Arson

The Internet is such a marvelous tool. It’s done some wonderful things for humanity in its time. Its given us access to more pornography than we could ever imagine. Its boosted the Nigerian economy. Its saved thousands of dollars in police departments’ budgets by giving dumb criminals a place to brag about their crimes to the world.

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Wednesday, August 30th, 2006 • Filed under Arson

My parents always told me growing up, “Do what you love and the money will follow.” Then the Beatles told me you “Can’t Buy Me Love.” Now I’m as confused as this fella.
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Crimes of the Hot

Sunday, May 14th, 2006 • Filed under Arson

MySpace has become another one of those Internet fads that poses a use and a danger to our nation’s youth. On the one hand, it allows thousands of people to communicate with each other with the click of the mouse. It also presents a risk by leaving kids’ and teenagers’ lives open to people who wish to do them harm. But here’s one important use we might not have considered in this crazy, kooky world – it helps us weed out the dumbasses.

ROCKVILLE, Md. (Star Tribune) — Two teenagers were charged with setting fires in suburban Washington after they bragged about the blazes on MySpace.com, authorities said.

The 17-year-old schoolmates were involved in 17 fires in Montgomery County, fire officials said Friday. The teens face 22 charges, including two counts each of first-degree arson and four counts of second-degree arson.

Their names were not released because they were charged as juveniles.

Stores, vehicles, a bowling alley and two school buses were set on fire between Jan. 20 and April 16. Investigators got a tip to check out the online social networking site MySpace.com, where they found photos and descriptions.

They posted photos of their crimes. The only way they could have been dumber is if they posted routes to the scenes of the crimes from their houses on Mapquest, sold pieces of the burned debris on eBay and written songs about it and distributed them illegally on Napster.

They even wrote about the arsons in their MySpace blogs. Wait, I’m sorry, that’s dumber.

Both of the teens are in custody at a juvenile detention center, and because of their ages, their names were not released. Of course, I’m sure both of the boys are begging police to release their names.

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