Dumb Criminals

Darn You, Casper

Friday, January 20th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults2 Comments

People have quite an obsession with the supernatural. Horror movies, aliens, and Snooki are all regarded as in today’s society as terrifyingly fascinating.


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JK Babes U Kno I Luv U

Sunday, January 8th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults2 Comments

Did you know that we take out our anger on the person we love most? I refer to this as the “Sibling Stage” of a relationship. You know, where you’re unconsciously mean to your S.O. because you figure you just have to love each other anyway. No? Just me? Okay.


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Scary Dairy

Monday, December 26th, 2011 • Filed under Assaults, Other Weapons3 Comments

The economy is pretty whacked out these days. Everyone is trying to sue everyone, or rip off everyone, or sue everyone for ripping off everyone. Or, in some cases, assaulting people because their ice cream is priced too high…?


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Feed Me, Seymour

Tuesday, December 20th, 2011 • Filed under Assaults1 Comment

Sometimes people get WAY too hungry. Even though it’s Christmas season, that’s probably not a good excuse to be eating bags full of cookies for every meal. Or biting the thumb of a policeman…?


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At Least She Doesn’t Sparkle

Monday, November 21st, 2011 • Filed under AssaultsComment

Judging from my observations, the hype for the release of Breaking Dawn was pleasantly nearly non-existent. Possibly because Harry Potter overtook it, or because Kristen Stewart can conjure up even less emotion than a paper bag.


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The Family Who Eats Together…

Monday, October 31st, 2011 • Filed under Assaults3 Comments

Women can get a little crazy over their food. If you’ve ever stood between a tired mother and her chocolate, and survived to tell the tale…you have my admiration.


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So How Was School Today?

Friday, September 30th, 2011 • Filed under AssaultsComment

Sometimes you look at a teacher, and all you can think is “How the heck are YOU married?!” But then you reasonably remind yourself that your teacher is actually a wonderful human being deep down who is found attractive and pleasant by at least one other person that they love very deeply in return….*snicker*. Nah.

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Oh, Good. I Thought It Was You

Sunday, September 11th, 2011 • Filed under Assaults, Other WeaponsComment

Some people take the phrase “become your character” way too seriously. Maybe the Geico caveman doesn’t shower in real life, and Tobey Maguire goes around trying to climb up buildings. Just as long as they don’t pull a Heath Ledger…

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