Dumb Criminals » Assaults http://www.dumbcriminals.com We've been humiliating dumb crooks since 1999. New stories are added several times each week! Sat, 04 Feb 2012 03:40:17 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 I’m Lovin’ It….Too Much http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/im-lovin-it-too-much/ http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/im-lovin-it-too-much/#comments Sat, 04 Feb 2012 03:40:17 +0000 cecilia http://www.dumbcriminals.com/?p=2666
  • Been A Pleasu–BAM! People are always weird about money, it seems. “Hey Jeff,...
  • And It’s Not Even Thanksgiving Yet As a kid, my belief in Santa Claus was always...
  • JK Babes U Kno I Luv U Did you know that we take out our anger on...
    • ]]>     http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/im-lovin-it-too-much/feed/ 0     Darn You, Casper http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/darn-you-casper/ http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/darn-you-casper/#comments Sat, 21 Jan 2012 02:33:02 +0000 cecilia http://www.dumbcriminals.com/?p=2655
  • I’m All For Innovation, But… Some people just don’t know how to take care of...
  • Hungry? Justice is Served! There’s no denying that eating is a necessity. Maybe even...
  • Feed Me, Seymour Sometimes people get WAY too hungry. Even though it’s Christmas...
    • ]]>     http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/darn-you-casper/feed/ 2     JK Babes U Kno I Luv U http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/jk-babes-u-kno-i-luv-u/ http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/jk-babes-u-kno-i-luv-u/#comments Sun, 08 Jan 2012 18:52:25 +0000 cecilia http://www.dumbcriminals.com/?p=2647
  • So How Was School Today? Sometimes you look at a teacher, and all you can...
  • Broken Heart, Broken Windows Old couples can be really cute. They remind you that...
  • Please, Silence Your Handguns Movie theaters aren’t always the most pleasant places on Earth....
    • ]]>     http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/jk-babes-u-kno-i-luv-u/feed/ 2     Scary Dairy http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/scary-dairy/ http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/scary-dairy/#comments Mon, 26 Dec 2011 18:40:37 +0000 cecilia http://www.dumbcriminals.com/?p=2630
  • Fashionable AND Practical It’s really no fun being a scapegoat. Actually, I doubt...
  • Chill, Guys. It’s Not A Facehugger Or Anything… Regardless of the intelligence most of these featured individuals lack,...
  • Broken Heart, Broken Windows Old couples can be really cute. They remind you that...
    • ]]>     http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/scary-dairy/feed/ 3     Feed Me, Seymour http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/feed-me-seymour/ http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/feed-me-seymour/#comments Wed, 21 Dec 2011 02:15:07 +0000 cecilia http://www.dumbcriminals.com/?p=2624
  • Gosh, Was It Not OBVIOUS?! Did you know that, technically, anything around you can be...
  • I’m Watching You….No, Like, Really, I Am You know what’s a major bummer? When the thing you’re...
  • Oh, Good. I Thought It Was You Some people take the phrase “become your character” way too...
    • ]]>     http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/feed-me-seymour/feed/ 1     At Least She Doesn’t Sparkle http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/at-least-she-doesn%e2%80%99t-sparkle/ http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/at-least-she-doesn%e2%80%99t-sparkle/#comments Mon, 21 Nov 2011 16:12:04 +0000 cecilia http://www.dumbcriminals.com/?p=2605
  • Livin’ In The Fridge It’s a pretty tough call between which is better, a...
  • I’m All For Innovation, But… Some people just don’t know how to take care of...
  • I Think I’ll Stick To Burger Time… One of the greatest mysteries presented over and over to...
    • ]]>     http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/at-least-she-doesn%e2%80%99t-sparkle/feed/ 0     The Family Who Eats Together… http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/the-family-who-eats-together/ http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/the-family-who-eats-together/#comments Mon, 31 Oct 2011 19:48:51 +0000 cecilia http://www.dumbcriminals.com/?p=2589
  • Family is Family Ahh, sibling rivalry. It’s been in place since the two...
  • Scary Dairy The economy is pretty whacked out these days. Everyone is...
  • Should’ve Put A Ring On It Somewhere, there’s probably an officially archived list of things NOT...
    • ]]>     http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/the-family-who-eats-together/feed/ 3     So How Was School Today? http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/so-how-was-school-today/ http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/so-how-was-school-today/#comments Sat, 01 Oct 2011 00:42:20 +0000 cecilia http://www.dumbcriminals.com/?p=2551
  • And I Thought Flat Irons Were Harmful Why do girls always fall for the jerks? Is it...
  • I’m High On…Your Pets At some point in everyone’s life, I’m sure something will...
  • Pissed-at-Men Syndrome It’s funny, the thing teenagers get worked up over. So,...
    • ]]>     http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/so-how-was-school-today/feed/ 0     Oh, Good. I Thought It Was You http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/oh-good-i-thought-it-was-you/ http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/oh-good-i-thought-it-was-you/#comments Mon, 12 Sep 2011 00:34:46 +0000 cecilia http://www.dumbcriminals.com/?p=2536
  • And I Thought Flat Irons Were Harmful Why do girls always fall for the jerks? Is it...
  • Stay Together for the Lizards Sucks being stuck in the middle, doesn’t it? Nobody wants...
  • Ma’am, Your Groceries Are Swimming Some people are absolutely CRAZY about saving money. My parents,...
    • ]]>     http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/oh-good-i-thought-it-was-you/feed/ 0     Should’ve Put A Ring On It http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/shouldve-put-a-ring-on-it/ http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/shouldve-put-a-ring-on-it/#comments Wed, 07 Sep 2011 00:55:31 +0000 cecilia http://www.dumbcriminals.com/?p=2534
  • I’m All For Innovation, But… Some people just don’t know how to take care of...
  • It’s Okay, We’re Authorized Hypocrites just drive you nuts, don’t they? They’re almost as...
  • Okay, So Tell Us How You REALLY Feel So…we all know that embarrassing feeling when you accidentally text...
    • ]]>     http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/shouldve-put-a-ring-on-it/feed/ 1     Where’s The Beef? http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/wheres-the-beef/ http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/wheres-the-beef/#comments Wed, 10 Aug 2011 01:20:07 +0000 cecilia http://www.dumbcriminals.com/?p=2514
  • Pissed-at-Men Syndrome It’s funny, the thing teenagers get worked up over. So,...
  • I’m All For Innovation, But… Some people just don’t know how to take care of...
  • Family is Family Ahh, sibling rivalry. It’s been in place since the two...
    • ]]>     http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/wheres-the-beef/feed/ 1     One-piece, Bikini, or Full-Body Armor? http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/one-piece-bikini-or-full-body-armor/ http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/one-piece-bikini-or-full-body-armor/#comments Sun, 07 Aug 2011 00:58:34 +0000 cecilia http://www.dumbcriminals.com/?p=2508
  • Silly Parents, Beer Is (NOT) For Kids Kids are trying to grow up WAY too fast these...
  • “I Don’t Want To Cause No Fuss” Ever since early youth, I took great pleasure in making...
  • Kids vs. Creeps A lot of people are just downright creepy. But it’s...
    • ]]>     http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/one-piece-bikini-or-full-body-armor/feed/ 2     Food, Glorious Food http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/food-glorious-food/ http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/food-glorious-food/#comments Wed, 06 Jul 2011 00:18:10 +0000 cecilia http://www.dumbcriminals.com/?p=2486
  • Pissed-at-Men Syndrome It’s funny, the thing teenagers get worked up over. So,...
  • Gosh, Was It Not OBVIOUS?! Did you know that, technically, anything around you can be...
  • Fashionable AND Practical It’s really no fun being a scapegoat. Actually, I doubt...
    • ]]>     http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/food-glorious-food/feed/ 2     Fashionable AND Practical http://www.dumbcriminals.com/defending-your-life/fashionable-and-practical/ http://www.dumbcriminals.com/defending-your-life/fashionable-and-practical/#comments Wed, 29 Jun 2011 00:32:19 +0000 cecilia http://www.dumbcriminals.com/?p=2481
  • “Streaming, Flaxen, Waxen” Throughout the entirely too large number of incidents involving failed...
  • So How Was School Today? Sometimes you look at a teacher, and all you can...
  • Did the World Prepare for THAT? Contrary to what seems to be popular belief, celebrities are...
    • ]]>     http://www.dumbcriminals.com/defending-your-life/fashionable-and-practical/feed/ 0     Gosh, Was It Not OBVIOUS?! http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/gosh-was-it-not-obvious/ http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/gosh-was-it-not-obvious/#comments Sat, 11 Jun 2011 00:33:04 +0000 cecilia http://www.dumbcriminals.com/?p=2469
  • Pissed-at-Men Syndrome It’s funny, the thing teenagers get worked up over. So,...
  • Fashionable AND Practical It’s really no fun being a scapegoat. Actually, I doubt...
  • Food, Glorious Food Some people take nutrition a little TOO seriously. I mean,...
    • ]]>     http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/gosh-was-it-not-obvious/feed/ 0     Pissed-at-Men Syndrome http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/pissed-at-men-syndrome/ http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/pissed-at-men-syndrome/#comments Wed, 01 Jun 2011 01:33:23 +0000 cecilia http://www.dumbcriminals.com/?p=2461
  • Gosh, Was It Not OBVIOUS?! Did you know that, technically, anything around you can be...
  • Fashionable AND Practical It’s really no fun being a scapegoat. Actually, I doubt...
  • Food, Glorious Food Some people take nutrition a little TOO seriously. I mean,...
    • ]]>     http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/pissed-at-men-syndrome/feed/ 0     Please, Silence Your Handguns http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/please-silence-your-handguns/ http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/please-silence-your-handguns/#comments Tue, 12 Apr 2011 00:53:30 +0000 cecilia http://www.dumbcriminals.com/?p=2416
  • So How Was School Today? Sometimes you look at a teacher, and all you can...
  • Burning Passion Relationships can be really difficult, can’t they? No matter if...
  • God’s Watching The Apples Sometimes, little kids are right about things…for example, church really...
    • ]]>     http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/please-silence-your-handguns/feed/ 5     And Make Me a Sammich While You’re At It! http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/and-make-me-a-sammich-while-you%e2%80%99re-at-it/ http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/and-make-me-a-sammich-while-you%e2%80%99re-at-it/#comments Tue, 18 Jan 2011 02:27:15 +0000 cecilia http://www.dumbcriminals.com/?p=2336
  • Make An Illegal U-Turn GPS’s are really something. I mean, who doesn’t want a...
  • Make Yourself At Home Being a host is so stressful. First, you have to...
  • It’s Seared, Not Burnt Everyone should learn to cook, right? You don’t want to...
    • ]]>     http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/and-make-me-a-sammich-while-you%e2%80%99re-at-it/feed/ 6     An Apology Would Have Sufficed… http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/an-apology-would-have-sufficed%e2%80%a6/ http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/an-apology-would-have-sufficed%e2%80%a6/#comments Tue, 04 Jan 2011 23:00:41 +0000 cecilia http://www.dumbcriminals.com/?p=2319
  • Okay, So Tell Us How You REALLY Feel So…we all know that embarrassing feeling when you accidentally text...
  • Burning Passion Relationships can be really difficult, can’t they? No matter if...
  • And I Thought Flat Irons Were Harmful Why do girls always fall for the jerks? Is it...
    • ]]>     http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/an-apology-would-have-sufficed%e2%80%a6/feed/ 4     A Poetic Lesson In Self-Control http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/a-poetic-lesson-in-self-control/ http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/a-poetic-lesson-in-self-control/#comments Wed, 22 Dec 2010 03:44:06 +0000 cecilia http://www.dumbcriminals.com/?p=2286
  • Should’ve Put A Ring On It Somewhere, there’s probably an officially archived list of things NOT...
  • Please, Silence Your Handguns Movie theaters aren’t always the most pleasant places on Earth....
    • ]]>     http://www.dumbcriminals.com/assaults/a-poetic-lesson-in-self-control/feed/ 5