Dumb Criminals

Give Me All Your F#(&ing Jelly

Sunday, July 12th, 2015 • Filed under Banks, Robberies

Nothing can beat a good biscuit. I know this because I have actually undergone the turmoil required to bake homemade biscuits. The recipe begins with the responsibility of chopping up an entire stick of butter into minuscule pieces and concludes with cutting evenly sized chunks from a dough ball stickier than an alien symbiote. That being said, when my taste buds were finally acquainted with the recognizable flaky texture, the newly acquired tennis elbow and carpal tunnel syndrome became worth it.

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Cheerio, Good Sir

Sunday, August 26th, 2012 • Filed under Banks, Robberies

If there’s one thing rarer than common sense, it’s common courtesy. Luckily this guy at least has the latter.

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Introducing The Vogue Spring Collection!

Saturday, August 11th, 2012 • Filed under Banks

Nobody looks through a fashion magazine expecting to see stuff they’d like to wear…right? “Yes, that’s a lovely pair of shorts; I especially love how it reaches her elbows.” or “Thanks, I’ve always wanted my make-up to look like a rainbow gasoline spill”. Honestly, just because an editor board of gay European men deems something trendy, does not mean you should invest in it.

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“You’ve Got Red On You”

Sunday, February 26th, 2012 • Filed under Banks, Caught on tape, Fraud

If you have a legitimate zombie apocalypse plan, congratulations. You officially have the (sick) mind of a teenage male. Or maybe the non-existent mind of a dumb criminal.

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Family is Family

Monday, December 5th, 2011 • Filed under Banks, Robberies

Ahh, sibling rivalry. It’s been in place since the two of you fought over who got to eat the last bowl of Cocoa Puffs, and still pops back up at family reunions over whose kid won the board game.

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But You Didn’t Even Finish Counting…

Tuesday, September 20th, 2011 • Filed under Banks, Robberies

It occurred to me, while watching one of my favorite Disney musical numbers, that it is actually rather improbable for a bunch of cats and their musical instruments to fall through five or six floors in a building. OH, while staying in one piece, and maintaining their song. But frankly, most TV isn’t any less ridiculous.

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Oh, And You’re Fired

Wednesday, September 14th, 2011 • Filed under Banks

Old people can get a little crazy, can’t they? I have a few stories of my own…my grandma holding up a magnifying glass to a computer screen, my grandpa taking out the trash every time someone throws one thing away. They just have their own way of going about things.

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Why So Serious?

Friday, April 15th, 2011 • Filed under Banks, Robberies

As a little kid, wasn’t everything WAY funnier when you weren’t allowed to laugh? If your older sister made a slightly odd face during the quietest part of church, it was suddenly the epitome of hilarity. And you’d almost choke yourself in an effort not to burst out laughing, much to the amusement of your older sister…and it would start all over again.

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