We’ve all done things backwards from time to time. We put our shoes on before we put on our pants. We put the milk in before we pour the cereal. We put the diaper on the baby’s head and a bib on its butt. My point is we’ve all been drunk in front of the kids from time to time.
That might be (but probably isn’t) a good excuse for this bank robber who held up his gun backwards during a bank robbery, according to the Local6 News in Florida. Read more »
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Banks are a big pain in the ass. The fees are outrageous. The lines are long. The clerks treat you like you have some kind of venereal disease that can be transferred through the handling of money. Don’t even get me started on the hours…
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It amazing how many things bank robbers have tried to use for masks: shaving cream, blue ink, duct tape. You know what makes a really great mask? A mask.
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ONE OF LIFE’S LITTLE LESSONS #4: Always take the time to stop and look at your surroundings before you make any serious decisions because your surroundings can always jump up and attack you, especially if you’re covered in meat and walking through an alligator farm. Chalk that one up to experience.
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There are only about three things in this world dumber than a criminal leaving behind his personal identification at the scene of a crime: trying to give your dog a bath in the dishwasher, leaving your kids with the crazy cat lady who lives at the end of the block, voting Republican.
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“Let’s see. Weapon? Check. Ski mask? Check. Lucky underpants? Check. Angry touch guy face? Check. Well looks like I’m all set for that bank robbery. Oops, wait a minute, I almost forgot to wear pants. Phew, wouldn’t THAT have been embarassing.”
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There’s really no introduction I could write for this story that could do it justice. Seriously, I’ve been sitting here an hour ripping out the very long hairs out of my head trying to think of one and I realize John Goodman has a better chance of losing my virginity to Halle Berry while bungie jumping than me trying to squeeze out a hokey jokey intro that would just be the turd of comedy that it is. So here’s the story.
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This is a story that just defies all description. It needs no introduction. It cannot be described. It has to be seen to be believed. It cannot be read, it must be experienced. It is at least nine times more interesting than watching an elephant giving a cow a piggyback ride. No…more…wire…hangers!
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