Dumb Criminals

Godzilla Spoiler Alert

Sunday, May 18th, 2014 • Filed under Cars, Theft

Have you ever had a driving nightmare? I’ve had them countless times, and I only just got my license. Subconsciously however, sometimes I’m driving from the backseat. Sometimes my brake and gas pedals switch. Sometimes Linkin Park is playing through the speakers. Sometimes I have bumper stickers on my car. The list goes on.

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Know Thy Selfie

Sunday, October 6th, 2013 • Filed under Cars, Technology, Theft

Don’t lie, you’ve taken a picture of yourself at least once. Whether it’s of you and your pet, you and a cup of coffee, or you and your significant other—it’s totally happened. My guess is that not much more time will pass until “selfie” is added to the dictionary. In which case, someone will probably take a selfie with it.

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The Toast of the Town

Sunday, August 11th, 2013 • Filed under Cars, Other Weapons

How mad have you gotten at your neighbor? Angry enough to lose your breakfast over it? And I’m not talking about the gross reverse digestion way, but actually get rid of your perfectly good breakfast. This guy knows what I’m talking about.

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Not So Chill

Monday, July 29th, 2013 • Filed under Cars, Drunks

What’s the hottest you’ve ever been? Temperature-wise of course, because if it was in physical terms, we all know we were the hottest at our 5th grade, bowl-cut, chubs stage. But really, to what extent would you go to cool off?

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High Score

Saturday, April 27th, 2013 • Filed under Cars, Drugs

Some typical “drug things” you have to be high to enjoy. Movies and music can usually hold up pretty well when watched sober, but not the consumption of Taco Bell. And especially not Doritos Locos Tacos. If you’re eating those, doing drugs is not your biggest problem.

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Monday, January 21st, 2013 • Filed under Cars, Drunks

“You make me a better person.” As cliché as that may sound, it’s probably a good element to have in a marriage. If you’re nuts for a health nut, jog with them. If someone cooler than you made a mix tape, you better listen to that or else. And if someone is really into drinking and driving…

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Petsitting 101

Sunday, January 6th, 2013 • Filed under Cars, Guns

Over winter vacation, my family and I had the opportunity to visit a place called Rainforest Adventures. Although most rainforest animals were missing and replaced by commonplace creatures like goats and mice, it was certainly an adventure. The chinchilla exhibit even featured a plastic fork in the corner, when they had clearly finished their lunch. Sadly, this kind of nonsense happens even when pets are legally owned.

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No Pineapple, At Least

Monday, November 19th, 2012 • Filed under Cars

Frozen, greasy, cold, steaming, homemade, meaty, or vegetable-y…everybody loves pizza. There’s not much I wouldn’t do for a slice of pizza at any given time. Better yet if it was calorie-free. Or even just free.

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