Dumb Criminals

Theft is for the Birds

Sunday, May 22nd, 2016 • Filed under Caught on tape, Theft

What’s your most daring attempt at stealing? Have you swiped something from a friend’s home, or perhaps had the audacity to shoplift? Do you prefer the sentimentally or monetarily valuable? For instance, comedian John Mulaney insists his fans steal family photos from strangers’ homes, permitting them to procure an eclectic collection.


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Spitting Or Non-Spitting?

Sunday, April 22nd, 2012 • Filed under Caught on tape

Fast food seemed like a great idea at the time, but it’s gotten just downright scary. French fries are probably filled with more meat than the actual “burger” is, and Taco Bell fills its crispy shells using a legitimate meat tube. Like, my (imaginary) dog receives better nutrition.


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Pics Or It Didn’t Happen

Friday, April 20th, 2012 • Filed under Cars, Caught on tape

It’s not official ‘till it hits Facebook, right? There’s no science homework unless someone writes a whiny status. They’re not dating until make-out pictures gack up your news feed. And, of course, someone is your friend if, and only if, you click “confirm”.


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“You’ve Got Red On You”

Sunday, February 26th, 2012 • Filed under Banks, Caught on tape, Fraud

If you have a legitimate zombie apocalypse plan, congratulations. You officially have the (sick) mind of a teenage male. Or maybe the non-existent mind of a dumb criminal.


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People of Wal-Mart

Monday, February 20th, 2012 • Filed under Caught on tape, Theft

People-watching is fun, not creepy. It’s only creepy when you pick a specific person to watch….to watch through your car, to watch as they walk home, to watch as they sleep…get the message, Edward Cullen?


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Masks Are Too Mainstream…

Saturday, October 15th, 2011 • Filed under Caught on tape, Robberies

We all know people who are ashamed of their looks. Then we know people who are “ashamed of their looks”. You know what I’m talking about, the teenage girls who take eight million Facebook webcam photos of themselves, all with a caption like “omgg look how uglyy i am </3”. And the comments below are usually even more sickening.

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iDiots

Wednesday, July 20th, 2011 • Filed under Caught on tape, Robberies

Going along with the technology theme…what is the big deal with Apple products? What if I DON’T want my cell phone to play music, surf the net, voice-text 400 people at a time, AND shave my legs for me?

But iPads are definitely popular right now. Apparently, even among criminals. (Hey, THEY need to shave, too.) Two men in Georgia broke into Target with a crowbar, broke the glass case, and stole eighteen iPads. All in just seconds, according to AJC. This would’ve been impressive, if it hadn’t been for the security camera. And technology is supposed to make stuff easier for the dimwits…

 

Fish ‘N Chips

Monday, July 11th, 2011 • Filed under Burglaries, Caught on tape

Some crimes sound a little too dumb to be true. Like, something from a Disney Channel show. Except criminal activity involves prisons and money instead of hideous outfits and even worse acting….

According to Local 12, this man in Cincinnati isn’t exactly main character material.  He broke into a potato chip plant, and proceeded to steal a computer disk, vehicle titles, a whole book of payroll checks, and other business papers. He then left a note for the company president demanding that $22,000 be left in a bucket for him, or else he would “expose personal matters of employees” and burn everything he had stolen. The president called the police, of course, who set up a bucket filled with convincingly fake cash, as well as surveillance material. They spotted the crook dragging the bucket away with a fishing pole…and arrested him in the forest, all tangled up in the fishing line. Aaaand…scene!

 

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