Dumb Criminals

But It’s Green Too!

Tuesday, May 29th, 2012 • Filed under Counterfeit, Drugs

Money isn’t everything, right? That’s what rich people say. Or people who write for Disney Channel, who are paid in packs of gum. Or people who consider themselves modern age philosophers but are really just quoting things off some internet database.

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Rap and Crime, How Typical

Sunday, October 9th, 2011 • Filed under Counterfeit

Teens have such an attitude, don’t they? They think they can get away with anything, just because they suddenly have the ability of legal self-transportation. Or they think they’re invincible, and try stupid things. Not…that…I…wouldknowanythingaboutthatwhatsoever.

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Not Thinking Outside (or Inside) of the Box

Thursday, April 16th, 2009 • Filed under Counterfeit, Smugglers

Some plans don’t get thought out to their fullest extent. This one probably never even went down on paper.

A man trying to smuggle turtles into the country illegally was caught when he put them in a box marked “scorpions,” according to Reuters.

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Funny Money

Monday, April 13th, 2009 • Filed under Counterfeit, Theft

You would be surprised how easy it is to make counterfeit money. What won’t surprise you is how hard it is to pass it off as real money.

A counterfeiter tried to pass off a photocopied bill as a real one, according to the Sheboygan Press.

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No Words Can Adequately Describe The Shock You’ll Experience When Read This Story of a Woman Who Had Sex With a Dog

Monday, March 16th, 2009 • Filed under Burglaries, Counterfeit, Other

That’s not a joke or some kind of witty way of introducing this story of a woman who got caught having sex with a dog. If I had one, I wouldn’t still be working in a dump like this.

A woman accidentally lead police to the evidence they needed to convict her of having sex with a dog, according to the Smoking Gun.

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Not-So-Funny Money

Monday, April 14th, 2008 • Filed under Counterfeit

There’s an expression that goes “shooting yourself in the foot.” This guy just unloaded a whole clip into his Airwalks, which would be really funny if this were the 1980s and everyone wore Airwalks.

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Thursday, September 27th, 2007 • Filed under Counterfeit, Drugs

Strip clubs are natural brain tranquilizers for men. Guys go in and see all those naked ladies and their brains lock up faster than an iMac. How do I know that? A friend told me.

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I’m Bailing Away

Thursday, June 8th, 2006 • Filed under Counterfeit

Pop quiz, hot shot. You’ve just been convicted of check and credit card fraud all over the world and you’ve been caught and you’re about to pay your bail. What’s the worst thing you can do? Shoot the bail clerk? Nope. Ask for a reciept signed in blood? No. Set the jail on fire? Not even close. It’s what this Frank Abagnale-wannabe did…

SANTA CRUZ, Calif. — A Sacramento identity theft suspect who used a counterfeit $9,800 check to bail himself out of jail pleaded guilty to a variety of fraud and grand theft charges.

Thomas Lewis Samuel, 54, faces seven to 10 years in state prison for conspiracy to commit identity theft, using counterfeit checks, grand theft and credit card violations, prosecutor Keith Lyon said.

Samuel racked up more than $90,000 in fraudulent activity across four counties during a three-month period in 2005, according to the state attorney general’s office, which worked on the case with Santa Cruz County prosecutors.

Samuel passed about 300 counterfeit checks and committed online banking fraud in Santa Cruz, Santa Clara, Sacramento and Placer counties from July to October of last year, investigators said.

When he was arrested in October, Samuel tried to bail himself out of jail with a counterfeit $3,200 check, but the bail bondsman realized the check was fake. A second fake check for $9,800 went undetected and Samuel was released.

How did the bail bondsman realize the check was a fake? No bank in the world prints a set of “Rabid Puppies” checkbooks.

Committing check fraud after you were just caught committing check fraud won’t win you any brownie points with the DA’s office. It’ll even make the most conniving of defense attorneys detest you, and why should they trust him? All they care about is getting paid.

Check fraud has become such a outdated crime. With identity theft on the rise and credit card information facing such severe technological security problems, committing check fraud is like driving a stagecoach down I-95.

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