Dumb Criminals

Turn Down For What

Sunday, March 23rd, 2014 • Filed under Drugs

Nothing makes me want to do drugs less than hearing people talk about doing drugs. “Yeah MAANNN I couldn’t even FEEL my extra toes.” “BRUH that’s so sick-nasty but I ate an entire mac-n-cheese PIZZA remember???” Like no thanks, I can eat just as much and be just as pseudo-philosophical without having to laboriously hotbox anything.

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Fashion, Look It Up

Tuesday, November 26th, 2013 • Filed under Drugs, Drunks

Clothing is always crazy, but lately with Black Friday looming near, merchandise shelves are getting more and more outrageous. Pink fur jackets (which animal has pink fur, and if so, why would you kill such a rarity just to keep your rich white butt warm?) paired with pants too patterned to seem real (thanks, let me just walk around sporting wallpaper) seem to fill everyone’s shopping bags.

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Potted Plants

Saturday, September 7th, 2013 • Filed under Drugs

Have you ever accidentally gotten high? Like, you thought it was a normal brownie, or normal mushrooms. But nope, turns out you’re absolutely tripping. Good luck explaining that one to the police.

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THC: Less For Me

Thursday, July 18th, 2013 • Filed under Drugs

Mmm…brownies.  Mmm…cannabis. Just kidding. But pot brownies are a great way to both acquire the munchies and then take care of them simultaneously. And what more could stoners want than a simple, lazy way to do things?

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High Score

Saturday, April 27th, 2013 • Filed under Cars, Drugs

Some typical “drug things” you have to be high to enjoy. Movies and music can usually hold up pretty well when watched sober, but not the consumption of Taco Bell. And especially not Doritos Locos Tacos. If you’re eating those, doing drugs is not your biggest problem.

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Brownies Weren’t Healthy

Tuesday, January 15th, 2013 • Filed under Drugs, Smugglers

What’s better in soup, marijuana or vegetables? Well, we all know which one is better in you.

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Text: Not Even Once

Sunday, September 16th, 2012 • Filed under Drugs, Technology

Have you heard the new iPhone is out? The fifth one, to be exact. From which we still can’t download a girlfriend or even food.

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Careers At Their Finest

Monday, September 3rd, 2012 • Filed under Drugs

Facebook? For jobs? That’s right, it’s called LinkedIn. And no, it’s not like you’re qualified based on how many pictures of cats you’ve published. Or how many Taylor Swift songs you’ve made your status. Or even *gasp*  how many times you’ve been “married” to a friend who also happens to be your “sister”…

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