Dumb Criminals: Drugs

Kids and drugs are never a good mix. Their under developed brains can’t handle the endorphins. They’re in school. Maybe if they spent a little more time there, they’d learn that. Hey, learning something at school! There’s a novel idea. Someone call the U.S. Department of Education. I’ve got a concept they might be interested in.

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If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it 7,846 times, drugs make you stupid. They also make you impotent, slow and hungry. If they made you white, drugs will also make you into your average right wing radio talk show host.

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Some people never learn. After this moment, this moment, this moment and this moment, someone still called police to report that their drugs had been stolen. You know, I’m starting to think maybe drugs don’t make you so smart.

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Who is the last person who should catch you with drugs? A police officer? Your drug rehabilitation sponsor? Your high friend who goes through more narcotics than the Hell’s Angels at Altamont? How about your parole officer?

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Just when you think the world couldn’t be a worse place, another kid gets into his parents’ drug stash. Oh that reminds me, hope everyone had a happy and joyous Easter out there.

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I tell ya, these kids today make me scratch my head and wonder what with their YouTube and their video games and their Razor scooters and their marijuana and their shotguns…

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When you call police and tell them that someone broke into your home and stole your Playstation and your pot, you aren’t just pulling the biggest bonehead move of the year by telling police you do drugs, you’re also making my job much, much easier. Keep it up!

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This is a story that’s has old and classic as time itself: boy loses weed, boy calls police to report his stolen weed, police meet boy, police find some of weed at his house, police and boy fall in love.

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