What Not To Wear: Criminal Edition
Saturday, November 26th, 2011 • Filed under Drunks • 1 Comment
The things people wear never cease to amaze me. And not in the good OMG-that’s-sooooo-cute-where-can-I-get-one way. I’m talking leopard tights instead of pants, T-shirts basically cursing people out, and skirts that leave absolutely nothing to the imagination…
Should’ve Put A Ring On It
Tuesday, September 6th, 2011 • Filed under Assaults, Drunks • 1 Comment
Somewhere, there’s probably an officially archived list of things NOT to do on your wedding day. And although it seems like a given, “getting arrested” would probably be in the top three.
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It’s Okay, We’re Authorized
Monday, August 15th, 2011 • Filed under Corrupt Cops, Drunks • 2 Comments
Hypocrites just drive you nuts, don’t they? They’re almost as bad as actual hippos. Except nobody thinks to spend time filming 3-hour long TV specials detailing their feeding and mating habits. Of course, it would probably just be footage of a bunch of things you aren’t supposed to do.
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Silly Parents, Beer Is (NOT) For Kids
Friday, July 22nd, 2011 • Filed under Drunks, Other • 1 Comment
Kids are trying to grow up WAY too fast these days. “Hi there, Susie. I like your purple hair streaks. And your seven-inch heels. And that’s a cool iPhone…did you get it for your sixth birthday?”
But while these things may be annoying (or enviable), at least they’re not dangerous. According to True Crime Report, a woman in Connecticut was caught giving her children alcohol. Police spotted the family at a local playground…but instead of playing like all the other kids, their 4 year-old son was drinking a 40-ounce of Steel Reserve beer. Witnesses say the mother likes telling the child to drink beer, then tease him for being an alcoholic. But it gets worse…after being tested, their 10 month-old daughter was found to have traces of alcohol and cocaine in her blood. I guess endless supplies of junk food and 6 hours of TV doesn’t seem so bad after all.
Man’s Best Friend?
Friday, April 8th, 2011 • Filed under Drunks • 1 Comment
Admit it, you’ve found yourself talking to animals at least one time in your life. Maybe it’s your favorite cat, or brother’s boring lizard, or even the annoying fly in the kitchen you’ve been trying to destroy for the past half hour. (“Just stay STILL, for God’s sake!!!!”) But at least most of us don’t try to carry an actual conversation with these creatures…
Guess She Just Couldn’t Nail The Tango…
Saturday, February 5th, 2011 • Filed under Drunks, Guns • 2 Comments
Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion. I have a feeling that this philosophy is nowhere near as prevalent anywhere else as it is in the wonderful world of American politics. But, if your opinions lead you to being arrested, maybe it’s time to adopt a new philosophy: sit down and shut up.
Guess I Should’ve Rode My Kangaroo Instead…
Tuesday, January 25th, 2011 • Filed under Cars, Drunks • Comment
Owning your very own car is awesome, but with it comes many necessary evils. One of them is the hassle of taking it to an auto-repair shop. If you’ve ever found yourself faced with this task, you’re familiar with the mechanic’s habit of fixing more than what you thought was broken. And then charging you for it.
Told You That Dating Website Would Work
Tuesday, January 11th, 2011 • Filed under Drunks • 1 Comment
Let’s get one thing straight here. As adorable as they look, dogs DO NOT LIKE to be dressed up in those ridiculous pink leather jackets, pumpkin Halloween costumes, football jerseys, or any other miniature apparel that humans feel the need to torture their beloved household pet with. As I’ve heard many times growing up: Pets are not people. If you want to put clothes on something, have a kid. However, the following instance of anthropomorphism is slightly more ridiculous.