Tuesday, June 9th, 2015 • Filed under Drunks
Recall the time you felt most desperate. I don’t mean adrenaline-inducing, life-or-death, protection of your family type desperate. I mean desperate to get your rocks off. Perhaps it was February 13th or the night before prom and your high school reputation is hanging in the balance when it seems as though all available women have taken a cruise ship to the moon.
Imagine moving in with the significant other you had as a nineteen year old. No matter your current circumstances, you’d have to leave your home immediately and begin a new life with this person from your past. Here’s the catch: he/she is still nineteen whereas you remain the age you currently are. How do you cope?
Friday, November 7th, 2014 • Filed under Drunks
How desperate have you been for a date? I once asked my group of friends if they’d sleep with their professors in college, and for some wild reason, everyone said no…at least “not until I had completed the course”. Well. Maybe I should seek new friends elsewhere.
What are the “popular” kids at school like? What does that word even entail? Money, probably. Money spent on fake tans and hideous rainbow lacrosse shorts, I hope. Usually some kind of lavish vacations to the Cancumudappines and ostentatious homes as well.
Clothing is always crazy, but lately with Black Friday looming near, merchandise shelves are getting more and more outrageous. Pink fur jackets (which animal has pink fur, and if so, why would you kill such a rarity just to keep your rich white butt warm?) paired with pants too patterned to seem real (thanks, let me just walk around sporting wallpaper) seem to fill everyone’s shopping bags.
Sunday, September 15th, 2013 • Filed under Drunks
Everybody wants to ride a pony. Ride it to work, to school, along the beach, to and from the refrigerator. They make you feel like royalty or a cowgirl, and you can’t go wrong either way. Well, maybe there is one mistake you could make…
What’s the hottest you’ve ever been? Temperature-wise of course, because if it was in physical terms, we all know we were the hottest at our 5th grade, bowl-cut, chubs stage. But really, to what extent would you go to cool off?
Monday, May 27th, 2013 • Filed under Drunks
Yardwork, ew. Can’t we just let our bushes and trees and grass and hedges and who knows what else grow freely the way nature intended? Nope. An overgrown yard will get you kicked out the neighborhood, and unkempt weeds may become over-confident and attack your family.