Dumb Criminals

Brownie Gets Burned

Friday, March 10th, 2006 • Filed under At-Large, Forgery

It’s that time of year again — Girl Scout cookies! That time of year when hundreds of thousands of girl scouts set up folding tables with their den mothers in front of stores all across the country where people wait in long, long lines so they can rip the little brats off.

TENINO (The Olympian) — A 10-year-old Girl Scout was excited when a woman asked to buy 10 boxes of cookies from her Sunday, and she was more excited to be paid with a $100 bill.

But her excitement turned to dismay when the Scout’s mother realized the bill was a fake, and a day of raising money for Scout trips ended with a valuable lesson.

“Sometimes you can’t trust just anybody,? the Scout said.

God, what an evil person. Who would do such a horrible, rotten, evil thing? I mean, other than Nixon. I hope they find this woman and strings her up by ear lobes — unless she got away with the thin mints. Then I can understand.

This evil spawn of the Devil herself bought $40 worth of goodies and handed over a $100 bill, and the mother gave her three $20s in change. The mother immediately thought the bill was fake and confirmed her suspicions with the store manager’s counterfeit money pen. The counterfeiter’s one big mistake? Money isn’t yellow.

So what makes this evil, rotten, horrid waste of flesh a dumb criminal? She had a fake $100 bill that she used to steal Girl Scout cookies. If I had a free $100 bill, there’s about a dozen strip clubs I’d spend it at and even if they found out it was fake, compared to a Girl Scout den mother there’s less than a 50 percent chance that I’d get tasered.

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