Dumb Criminals

What’s Inside That Counts

Sunday, March 16th, 2014 • Filed under Fraud, Other

If I hear a girl say “skinny for prom” one more time, I’m gonna lose it. ‘Cause screw it, I’m getting super fat for prom. Morbidly obese. And for spring break? When, come mid-March, everyone else is surviving off of shredded lettuce and Sprite Zero for that perfect bikini bod…I’ll be upping my intake of McNuggets exponentially per day.


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s0 rand0m xD

Tuesday, June 25th, 2013 • Filed under Fraud

Ew, remember discovering technology in your middle school days? The thrill of limitless hashtagging, the freedom to use numbers as letters, and best of all, alerting everyone that you changed your Facebook language to Pirate. Wow, I can almost see the “cursed” chain e-mails now.


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Failed And Jailed

Tuesday, May 21st, 2013 • Filed under Fraud, Kidnappings

Ugh, grades. For a lot of students, the school year is wrapping up. But instead of going vegan (the lawnmower diet) for a “beach body” and attempting a natural tan (ha), most of us are stressing the heck out over other things. AP exams, final exams, 89’s, 79’s, you name it. I apologize if I’ve caused any PTSD anxiety for those of you no longer in school.


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“You’ve Got Red On You”

Sunday, February 26th, 2012 • Filed under Banks, Caught on tape, Fraud

If you have a legitimate zombie apocalypse plan, congratulations. You officially have the (sick) mind of a teenage male. Or maybe the non-existent mind of a dumb criminal.


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It’s Seared, Not Burnt

Saturday, October 15th, 2011 • Filed under Arson, Fraud, Scams

Everyone should learn to cook, right? You don’t want to be that family who alternates between PB&J sandwiches and chicken Mcnuggets as their constant nutritional income. Or worse, the family who throws parties and no one shows up, for fear of being either poisoned or disgusted into the next dimension.

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And Remember To Floss At Least Once A Day…

Saturday, March 12th, 2011 • Filed under Fraud

Although this website is dedicated to cretin criminals and foolish felons, there are often some pretty dumb victims as well. Or in this case, just very careless.


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The Balloon Drops

Wednesday, November 4th, 2009 • Filed under Fraud

Sure the rest of the world already knows about this, but this fell under our radar here at DCHQ because other more pressing news. And considering that we usually deal with drunks committing felonies, you can probably imagine how far down the radar this story falls.

The Associated Press reports that the parents of the infamous “Balloon Boy” will face some kind of criminal charges.

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Brain Spill on Aisle 4

Tuesday, September 8th, 2009 • Filed under Fraud, Theft

Going to the grocery ain’t exactly a bowl of fabric softener either.

Just take this woman who committed credit card fraud and got snagged because she used her grocery discount card at the same time, according to the News & Advance.

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