Dumb Criminals

Dumb Coupons

Sunday, March 10th, 2013 • Filed under Guns

As with anything crazy enough to have its own reality show, sometimes extreme couponing can get a bit too extreme. And no, this isn’t about a woman who bought 7 tons of dog food or enough frozen broccoli to feed a small nation for less than two digits. Read on to find out who went totally berserk.

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Petsitting 101

Sunday, January 6th, 2013 • Filed under Cars, Guns

Over winter vacation, my family and I had the opportunity to visit a place called Rainforest Adventures. Although most rainforest animals were missing and replaced by commonplace creatures like goats and mice, it was certainly an adventure. The chinchilla exhibit even featured a plastic fork in the corner, when they had clearly finished their lunch. Sadly, this kind of nonsense happens even when pets are legally owned.

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Sunday, May 13th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults, Guns

“I couldn’t dance if my life depended on it.” Yes, I do believe dance is a dying art. Just look at the New Jersey fist pump. I dare you all to go to da clubb and start breaking out some grand jetés and pas de cheval.

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Furby: Not Recommended For…Anyone

Sunday, March 25th, 2012 • Filed under Guns, Murderers

Everyone has something from their childhood that haunts them to this day. I, for instance, will forever be terrified of Gushers, because I feel no desire to have my head replaced with giant fruit. Please share in the comments which ridiculous images still lurk in your earliest memories.

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Protection: You’re Doing It Wrong

Wednesday, February 29th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults, Drunks, Guns

Some people say age is just a number….then again, is jail just a room? If 3 is a magic number, then why are there 7 dwarves? Is 42 really the meaning of life? Is the root of all evil really 25.8069? Numbers are so contradictory.

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What Else Ya Got In There?

Saturday, January 14th, 2012 • Filed under Guns, Smugglers

It’s amazing, all the things women can shove in their purses. Need a tissue? Here. Need an extra pair of socks? Here. Car low on gas? Here ya go. In need of some chicken pox vaccinations? They’re in here somewhere…

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Okay, So Tell Us How You REALLY Feel

Thursday, May 19th, 2011 • Filed under Guns, Robberies

So…we all know that embarrassing feeling when you accidentally text the wrong person, usually when saying something ABOUT that exact person. Or when you’re rolling your eyes and gossiping about how horrible Sydney’s eye shadow looks today or how her shoes are so totally knock-offs and her bag isn’t even from the spring collection…and it turns out she’s right behind you. (Note: I apologize if this is introduction is slightly gender-specific.)

Anyway, my point is that these kind of slip-of-the-tongue things are really embarrassing. And in some cases, may even get you in jail. According to Ranker.com, a middle-aged man convicted of robbing a convenience store decided to fire his lawyer and take charge of the case himself. During the store manager’s testimony, he jumped up, accused her of lying, and added the lovely and poetic phrase: “I should’ve blown your (expletive) head off!” Sources say he looked around nervously, and added “…if I’d been the one that was there.” The jury took about twenty minutes to convict him guilty, and the man ended up in jail. With a separate cell for his big mouth.

Please, Silence Your Handguns

Monday, April 11th, 2011 • Filed under Assaults, Guns

Movie theaters aren’t always the most pleasant places on Earth. But if you can bear parting with ten of your hard-earned dollars for ONE ticket, and then five times that amount for a calorie-laden, sugar-spiked candy bar, then the frustration of the seating arrangements shouldn’t be too much of a disappointment. Would you prefer to sit next to the deafening popcorn-consuming machine, or the two world champions of tonsil hockey?

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