Dumb Criminals: Kidnappings

I’ve never understood why men have this subconscious tendency to avoid asking for directions under any circumstances. That’s why I have to say I’m a bit proud this man took the initiative to stop and ask where he was going. I immediately took it back when I read the rest of the story.

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Here’s another on the NASA SNAFU. No, I’m not talking about the hole in the heat shield on the Space Shuttle. That’s story for a real news source. I’m talking about the Lisa Nowak love triangle, the story for fake news sources like DumbCriminals.com, Cracked and FOX News.

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Awhile back, we reported on the naughty behavior of one of NASA’s astronauts who traveling cross country in a set of diapers to kidnap and assault a fellow astronaut because she was in love a fellow astronaut? Her lawyer has step in to save the day and has insisted his client was unequivalent not wearing a diaper at the time of the assault.

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Cell phones are a miracle of technological ingenuity, aren’t they? We can receive and make phone calls from just about any point in the globe (that manage to get a signal that lasts longer than a second) that sound just as clear as a land telephone line (that is if your land telephone line features whole blocks of static and interuptions that make you sound like Billy from “Cuckoo’s Nest”) and for only a small amount of money (if you’re Bill Gates). Here’s yet another example of their usefulness…

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This just in from Dumb Criminals Mission Control Headquarters located deep in the core of the Earth next to Stuckey’s #3,746. A NASA astronaut has been arrested for the attempted kidnapping of ANOTHER astronaut because they both were in love with ANOTHER astronaut. It’s too bad the liver spotted soul of Aaron Spelling isn’t still around or we’d have another Fox Night at the Movies masteripiece.

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On behalf of everyone here at Dumbcriminals.com, we hope you and those closest to you had a Happy Thanksgiving. And in honor of this momentous day, what Thanksgiving would be complete without a really big turkey! Here ya go…

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A young woman met a man on the internet and decided she wanted to get on a plane to meet him in person. A the last minute she changed her mind and made a some rather stupid plans. To get out of meeting the man in person, the woman explained that she had been abducted. According to media reports the woman was supposed to fly to Kansas City to meet her new internet boyfriend. She never boarded the plane, but instead called the man and his mother to tell them that she had been abducted after landing in Kansas City. The woman was arrested after police conducted an expensive search for her. If the woman pleads guilty, prosecutors will ask for community service and restitution for the costs of the search, which is estimated to be over $10,000.

Kidnappers abducted Gildo Santos near his factory in a suburb of Sao Paulo and demanded $690,000 for ransom. Santos, however, escaped. The next day, Santos got a phone call asking for $11,500 to defray the cost of the abduction. After negotiating a 50 percent reduction, Santos called police, when the abductors showed up to collect payment.