Knowing is Half the Battle
Monday, October 5th, 2009 • Filed under Kidnappings • 5 Comments
Once and for all, for the last time, I’m not going to repeat myself: saying “I didn’t know” does not change anything. It doesn’t make your girlfriend un-pregnant. It doesn’t bring back your dog Scruffy and it sure as hell won’t get your charges dropped.
A Jamaican man who hijacked a passenger jet had just that excuse for his actions: “I dunno,” according to the CBC.
Read more »
“ID” Stands for “Is Dumb”
Friday, February 13th, 2009 • Filed under Cars, Kidnappings • 8 Comments
Once again, a group of fumbling kidnappers led police to their whereabouts. This time, they could only have done worse if they left their business card with their daytime and night time telephone, office and cell numbers written on the back.
They swapped out the license plate on the cars with one of their own, according to the Korean Times.
Read more »
Putting the “Napping” in “Kidnapping”
Monday, February 9th, 2009 • Filed under Kidnappings • 2 Comments
This falling asleep while committing a crime thing keeps happening again, again, and again. Does America need just one giant melatonin tablet dropped in their neighborhood water supply so they get enough sleep every night?
This time, some kidnappers fell asleep on the job, according to the Local.
Read more »
The Camera Adds 10 Years
Friday, April 25th, 2008 • Filed under Cars, Kidnappings • 9 Comments
I’ve never understood why men have this subconscious tendency to avoid asking for directions under any circumstances. That’s why I have to say I’m a bit proud this man took the initiative to stop and ask where he was going. I immediately took it back when I read the rest of the story.
Read more »
Astronut: A Special Report Update
Saturday, August 11th, 2007 • Filed under Kidnappings • 9 Comments
Here’s another on the NASA SNAFU. No, I’m not talking about the hole in the heat shield on the Space Shuttle. That’s story for a real news source. I’m talking about the Lisa Nowak love triangle, the story for fake news sources like DumbCriminals.com, Cracked and FOX News.
Read more »
Unpampered: A Special Report Update
Saturday, June 30th, 2007 • Filed under Kidnappings • 4 Comments
Awhile back, we reported on the naughty behavior of one of NASA’s astronauts who traveling cross country in a set of diapers to kidnap and assault a fellow astronaut because she was in love a fellow astronaut? Her lawyer has step in to save the day and has insisted his client was unequivalent not wearing a diaper at the time of the assault.
Read more »
It’s for You, It’s the Police
Tuesday, May 1st, 2007 • Filed under Kidnappings, Robberies • 8 Comments
Cell phones are a miracle of technological ingenuity, aren’t they? We can receive and make phone calls from just about any point in the globe (that manage to get a signal that lasts longer than a second) that sound just as clear as a land telephone line (that is if your land telephone line features whole blocks of static and interuptions that make you sound like Billy from “Cuckoo’s Nest”) and for only a small amount of money (if you’re Bill Gates). Here’s yet another example of their usefulness…
Read more »
Astronut: A Special Report
Tuesday, February 6th, 2007 • Filed under Kidnappings • 3 Comments
This just in from Dumb Criminals Mission Control Headquarters located deep in the core of the Earth next to Stuckey’s #3,746. A NASA astronaut has been arrested for the attempted kidnapping of ANOTHER astronaut because they both were in love with ANOTHER astronaut. It’s too bad the liver spotted soul of Aaron Spelling isn’t still around or we’d have another Fox Night at the Movies masteripiece.
Read more »