Dumb Criminals

Putting the “Napping” in “Kidnapping”

Monday, February 9th, 2009 • Filed under Kidnappings

This falling asleep while committing a crime thing keeps happening again, again, and again. Does America need just one giant melatonin tablet dropped in their neighborhood water supply so they get enough sleep every night?

This time, some kidnappers fell asleep on the job, according to the Local.

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The Camera Adds 10 Years

Friday, April 25th, 2008 • Filed under Cars, Kidnappings

I’ve never understood why men have this subconscious tendency to avoid asking for directions under any circumstances. That’s why I have to say I’m a bit proud this man took the initiative to stop and ask where he was going. I immediately took it back when I read the rest of the story.

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Astronut: A Special Report Update

Saturday, August 11th, 2007 • Filed under Kidnappings

Here’s another on the NASA SNAFU. No, I’m not talking about the hole in the heat shield on the Space Shuttle. That’s story for a real news source. I’m talking about the Lisa Nowak love triangle, the story for fake news sources like DumbCriminals.com, Cracked and FOX News.

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Unpampered: A Special Report Update

Saturday, June 30th, 2007 • Filed under Kidnappings

Awhile back, we reported on the naughty behavior of one of NASA’s astronauts who traveling cross country in a set of diapers to kidnap and assault a fellow astronaut because she was in love a fellow astronaut? Her lawyer has step in to save the day and has insisted his client was unequivalent not wearing a diaper at the time of the assault.

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It’s for You, It’s the Police

Tuesday, May 1st, 2007 • Filed under Kidnappings, Robberies

Cell phones are a miracle of technological ingenuity, aren’t they? We can receive and make phone calls from just about any point in the globe (that manage to get a signal that lasts longer than a second) that sound just as clear as a land telephone line (that is if your land telephone line features whole blocks of static and interuptions that make you sound like Billy from “Cuckoo’s Nest”) and for only a small amount of money (if you’re Bill Gates). Here’s yet another example of their usefulness…

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Astronut: A Special Report

Tuesday, February 6th, 2007 • Filed under Kidnappings

This just in from Dumb Criminals Mission Control Headquarters located deep in the core of the Earth next to Stuckey’s #3,746. A NASA astronaut has been arrested for the attempted kidnapping of ANOTHER astronaut because they both were in love with ANOTHER astronaut. It’s too bad the liver spotted soul of Aaron Spelling isn’t still around or we’d have another Fox Night at the Movies masteripiece.

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Have a Happy Thanksgiving

Friday, November 24th, 2006 • Filed under Kidnappings

turkey.jpgOn behalf of everyone here at Dumbcriminals.com, we hope you and those closest to you had a Happy Thanksgiving. And in honor of this momentous day, what Thanksgiving would be complete without a really big turkey! Here ya go…

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How not to get out of a date

Tuesday, November 1st, 2005 • Filed under Kidnappings

A young woman met a man on the internet and decided she wanted to get on a plane to meet him in person. A the last minute she changed her mind and made a some rather stupid plans. To get out of meeting the man in person, the woman explained that she had been abducted. According to media reports the woman was supposed to fly to Kansas City to meet her new internet boyfriend. She never boarded the plane, but instead called the man and his mother to tell them that she had been abducted after landing in Kansas City. The woman was arrested after police conducted an expensive search for her. If the woman pleads guilty, prosecutors will ask for community service and restitution for the costs of the search, which is estimated to be over $10,000.

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