Crayons, Stat!
Saturday, November 12th, 2011 • Filed under Murderers • 2 Comments
Plastic surgery? Ick. Even the name sounds gross….like they’re inserting Legos into your organ systems. Which, really, isn’t any more ridiculous than implanting rubber inside some rich chick’s lady-parts. Or those who fork over tons of money to get multiple shots…in their face.
And Stay Away From My Indy Whip
Saturday, November 5th, 2011 • Filed under Murderers • 3 Comments
Okay. I apologize to all you George Lucas nuts out there, but I…just…don’t…get it. The Star Wars Saga not only manages to span the entire galaxy, but also the whole spectrum of boring. Anakin Skywalker seems to create more drama than a Disney Channel teen, and Yoda is nothing more than a walking self-help book.
Been A Pleasu–BAM!
Thursday, November 3rd, 2011 • Filed under Drugs, Murderers • 6 Comments
People are always weird about money, it seems. “Hey Jeff, can I borrow a dollar? I simply cannot survive another second without exposing my digestive system to this highly caffeinated and fattening beverage.” “Sorry, man.” “(insert look of complete and utter contempt)….it’s fine.”
Stay Together for the Lizards
Sunday, August 21st, 2011 • Filed under Murderers • 1 Comment
Sucks being stuck in the middle, doesn’t it? Nobody wants to listen to both sides of the typical Jessie-stole-my-lipgloss-but- she-said-she-never-even-touched-it-and-I-know-she’s-lying-because-I-saw-her-with-my-own-eyeballs-and-she-always-just-takes-my-stuff-what-a-brat story.
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Dear Diary
Friday, July 1st, 2011 • Filed under Murderers • Comment
Imagination is a good thing, right? I mean, no one wants to watch a movie where the main character is a successful accountant who plays chess in his free time and owns a well-behaved goldfish. Where’s the fun in that?
But sometimes people can take their fantasies a little too far. According to Tru TV, a man in Texas had filled over FOUR journals with his terrifying thoughts and planning. Hidden deep in the woods, they were found in a red cooler…along with 31 animal skulls. According to notebooks, the man’s dream was to become America’s most famous serial killer, with a rate of 700 people in 20 years. Fortunately, he was arrested long before he came even close to achieving that goal. Hmm…new idea. Maybe if the accountant played chess with his goldfish?
What, This? No, It’s Just Chicken Pox!
Tuesday, April 26th, 2011 • Filed under Murderers • Comment
You know what would make me look REALLY cool? A bunch of permanent, toxic ink, all stuck under my skin to form some kind of “symbolic” picture. And apparently, there’s no limit to what the picture can be. You want a giant Star Wars storm trooper all the way up your arm? Okay! You want Lady Gaga’s face plastered on your back forever? No problem!
So When Does The Movie Come Out?
Saturday, April 9th, 2011 • Filed under Murderers, Other Weapons • Comment
Although fiction and non-fiction are two complete opposites, it’s not always easy to define which is which. But I’m not talking about the thousands of teenage girls who bathed in glitter (or didn’t bathe at all) and stayed up all night waiting for Edward to come fly with them through some kind of magical forest. This story from Time is something different.
Maybe He Overslept on His Deathbed
Monday, June 15th, 2009 • Filed under Murderers • 16 Comments
I’ve always wondered what my last words should be on my deathbed. I believe it would be something like, “Get me two blondes, the dumber the better” or maybe at least one redhead depending on what kind of mood I’m in that week. It might be chauvinistic, but it’s the best use of a deathbed I can think of.
One man, however, found the worst use of a deathbed when he confessed to murdering a neighbor more than 20 years after his crime, according to the BBC.
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