Dumb Criminals

Dear Diary

Friday, July 1st, 2011 • Filed under Murderers

Imagination is a good thing, right? I mean, no one wants to watch a movie where the main character is a successful accountant who plays chess in his free time and owns a well-behaved goldfish. Where’s the fun in that?

But sometimes people can take their fantasies a little too far. According to Tru TV, a man in Texas had filled over FOUR journals with his terrifying thoughts and planning. Hidden deep in the woods, they were found in a red cooler…along with 31 animal skulls. According to notebooks, the man’s dream was to become America’s most famous serial killer, with a rate of 700 people in 20 years. Fortunately, he was arrested long before he came even close to achieving that goal. Hmm…new idea. Maybe if the accountant played chess with his goldfish?

What, This? No, It’s Just Chicken Pox!

Tuesday, April 26th, 2011 • Filed under Murderers

You know what would make me look REALLY cool? A bunch of permanent, toxic ink, all stuck under my skin to form some kind of “symbolic” picture. And apparently, there’s no limit to what the picture can be. You want a giant Star Wars storm trooper all the way up your arm? Okay! You want Lady Gaga’s face plastered on your back forever? No problem!

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So When Does The Movie Come Out?

Saturday, April 9th, 2011 • Filed under Murderers, Other Weapons

Although fiction and non-fiction are two complete opposites, it’s not always easy to define which is which. But I’m not talking about the thousands of teenage girls who bathed in glitter (or didn’t bathe at all) and stayed up all night waiting for Edward to come fly with them through some kind of magical forest. This story from Time is something different.

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Maybe He Overslept on His Deathbed

Monday, June 15th, 2009 • Filed under Murderers

I’ve always wondered what my last words should be on my deathbed. I believe it would be something like, “Get me two blondes, the dumber the better” or maybe at least one redhead depending on what kind of mood I’m in that week. It might be chauvinistic, but it’s the best use of a deathbed I can think of.

One man, however, found the worst use of a deathbed when he confessed to murdering a neighbor more than 20 years after his crime, according to the BBC.

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Chalk Another One Up for Darwin

Monday, December 29th, 2008 • Filed under Cars, Murderers, Other

If you’re a strong believer in the concept of intelligent design and a hater of the “Survival of the Fittest” theory, you might not want to read this story.

A car bomber in Belgrade blew himself up with his own car bomb, according to the B92 news service.

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Your Guilt is Written All Over Your Face

Friday, August 15th, 2008 • Filed under Assaults, Murderers

It’s hard to know what’s going through the minds of certain people who don’t think things through. I imagine they are thinking about nachos and how they could totally learn the “Sandford & Son” theme song on an electric guitar.

One guy tried to pass off a fake name to police officers during his arrest but forgot he had his real name tattooed on his face, according to the AP.

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Shooting Yourself in the Foot…and Missing

Wednesday, August 6th, 2008 • Filed under Guns, Murderers

Why do we treat guns in such a cavalier fashion in this country? They should be treated as if they are dangerous toys of pain, injury and death that demand attention, care and respect. They should not be treated as if they are your drinking buddy.

An attempted murder suspect accidentally shot himself after he put the gun back in his pants, according to The Times-Picayune.

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What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You More Prosecutable

Monday, June 9th, 2008 • Filed under Murderers

Our good friends over at ExecutedToday.com, one of the most morbidly interesting sites on the web, let us know about this little nugget of stupidity that dates all the way back to 1934. Who said there were no dumb people in the past? How do you think we got here?

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